ANCIENT GREEK PRO WRESTLING PROMOTER: ok so you're going to be what's known as a "heel"
ACHILLES: fuck you

Three panel comic. Panel 1: person who has post-op bandages wrapped around their nose, nervously holding someone’s hand. Another speaker off panel says, “alright… let’s get these bandages off.” Panel 2: the person is gleefully looking at themself in a handheld mirror, their friends are overjoyed. Their new nose is a gigantic, elongated and pointed sword shape. Panel 3: they are jumping out of the ocean with a smile on their face, in unison with two swordfish who are also breaching the water.

jim croce voice:
narrarator! oh won't you help me watch this film?

fucked up that polymarket is a dystopian tech company rather than a place you go to buy fresh produce from the local farmer and her three boyfriends

"it's gone!" the joy in her voice

I was a kinda minor lebron disliker until someone I worked with really laid it all out for me and I was like "oh shit this dude is the luckiest player ever"

it is unconstitutional for any supreme court justices to die on a timeline that is convenient for me

war in the middle east? what is this, bush?

fruity loops snoozio

the solar system should be less complicated

your honor? smash

waiting for someone to get home is so hachikoded

malcolm was never in the middle, that was a different show

I want them to know

beauty and the beast but belle is the beast and gaston is making a big romantic gesture by putting an angry mob together

that's where he meets with the cinema2nerdle gods and recieves the gift of knowledge

my cats get this error when they're hungry and their bowl is empty

Saudade, by EvelTheBev from the album Serotoninertia

🎶I'm up here waiting on the roof, stargazin, embracin, how many seconds I have left on this vacation I'm just not sure🎵

I'd like a statistically nerd run down what the odds are of this not being the case

He was absolutely throwing us under the bus for money (he's always admitted that he's addicted to money). He's saying this now not because the times ar e turning, but because he just realized he can stir this pot both ways (for more money)

ever since I experienced ego death, bird calls feel very uncanny valley

couldn't even breathe for a sec omfg

learning korean to beg samsung not to fuck up the bag

seem like the kind of person I woulda run into at a gay bar on a random music night. You seem like you could make a funny PowerPoint presentation

ah, that game is rated T for -Teen-, so you'll have to pick out another one

I miss rufus, hope that lil guy is okay

roundabout was the first song my dad tried to teach me when I was 18. I asked him to teach me a hard one lmao. Finally got it last year. it'll always have this special place in my heart

we need someone to do ACDC type shit the way greta van fleet does zeppelin and then pretends like it's a whole new thing. I want to hear someone blow their vocal folds up singing about being in a band

I really like the intro to crazy on you, it's fun to play and it just sounds sooo nice