Knock. Knock.

Who's there?

Owen.

Owen who?

Owen 11.

Narrator: Alas, there were no winners to pick

Pretty sure mine were Capezio jazz shoes.

You've got a C-Note?

I don't remember this Falcon Crest episode

and yet

This performance of Peter Pan with Cathy Rigby and yours truly heat-checking a Broadway revival in 1986.

We go with what we're good at.

At least you had a cartoon turtle.

I am so showing this to my students.
We'll see who's lame now.

We go to war with the memes we have. Not the memes we want.

Word.

Gotta be honest though.

My work ethic is a little spotty.

On the other hand, it was forged alongside great expectations of imminent nuclear holocaust.

Eh.

We're fine.

Fingers crossed discovery has a breathalyzer.

I pounded more Jägermeisters last night in Hooters than Joe Biden did in four [hiccup] yeeeeears.

COVER UP

When was MR. NICE GUY?

7:30 Hormuz is open

7:45 Open it, low IQ Iran. OR ELSE

9:15 Fake news made up “Or else”

9:22 Jesus endorsed Or else.

10:34 Gas prices are low!

10:59 Gas isn’t as much as you think

11:14 Gas plummeting any minute

2:42 OR ELSE

3:01 He is very so sane

3:03 He’s the sanest!

4:59 Hormel is open

No wonder Alex Karp needs such a large private security detail.

But the media never gives me credit for this new Cold War.

If you're behind on your house payments, a reverse migration may be the way to go.

First season was better.

Pentagon unveils official Pete Hegseth portrait.

Trump declares 10-day ceasefire with neck.

Putin be like

Pete Hegseth issues directive to stock Pentagon commissary with Big Kahuna burgers and 55-gallon drums of black licorice lube before plunging adrenaline hypo into his own heart.

Why Trump sent Sabrina Carpenter to lead this delegation is beyond me.

It was once. A long time ago. In college.

"various waters"