Being Safe to Be Around So much of my thinking and exploration has been about what kind of people I want to spend time with. Don't they say "be the change you want to see in the world"? So now I find myself thinking about what kind of person do I want to be? There's a saying often attributed to St Francis of Assisi: Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

Being Safe to Be Around

So much of my thinking and exploration has been about what kind of people I want to spend time with. Don't they say "be the change you want to see in the world"? So now I find myself thinking about what kind of person do I want to be? There's a saying often attributed to St…

The Riot of Spring Scents Winter passes and the metallic smell of cold is replaced by the sweet scents of spring. Each night, a little shorter, subtly different from the night before. Some nights have an almost peppery sweetness, others are smooth like honey. Even the damp earth after the spring rain smells exciting. My heart races and my spirit soars, lifted by the life rising all around me.

The Riot of Spring Scents

Winter passes and the metallic smell of cold is replaced by the sweet scents of spring. Each night, a little shorter, subtly different from the night before. Some nights have an almost peppery sweetness, others are smooth like honey. Even the damp earth after the spring…

The Puppy in the Kitchen There's more to being a Rope Puppy or a Puppy Daddy than just rope and cuddles! Today we played as usual. I was tied several times and in several different ways. We cuddled, and kissed, and there was great deal of warmth - just as always. And as always, Puppy Daddy, Funiculosus, made me some lunch. Today's was lamb kofta on lettuce with sautéed garlic and al dente vegetables.

The Puppy in the Kitchen

There's more to being a Rope Puppy or a Puppy Daddy than just rope and cuddles! Today we played as usual. I was tied several times and in several different ways. We cuddled, and kissed, and there was great deal of warmth - just as always. And as always, Puppy Daddy,…

Polysecure 4: Pulling It Together Final part of a 4 part in a short series reflecting on Polysecure by Jessica Fern After sitting with this book for a while, I’ve realised that I wasn’t really reading it as a guide to polyamory. I was using it as a lens to re-examine my relationships – past and present. There were moments that resonated strongly, and others that raised more questions than they answered.

Polysecure 4: Pulling It Together

Final part of a 4 part in a short series reflecting on Polysecure by Jessica Fern After sitting with this book for a while, I’ve realised that I wasn’t really reading it as a guide to polyamory. I was using it as a lens to re-examine my relationships – past and…

Polysecure 3: Was My Marriage Codependent, or Just Closed? Part 3 of 4 in a short series reflecting on Polysecure by Jessica Fern One section of the book introduces a way of thinking about relationships along two axes:sexual openness and emotional openness. “Take what helps and dismiss the rest.”(p.110) That line reminded me of an Al-Anon slogan, and I liked it immediately. It feels like permission to think, rather than instruction to conform.

Polysecure 3: Was My Marriage Codependent, or Just Closed?

Part 3 of 4 in a short series reflecting on Polysecure by Jessica Fern One section of the book introduces a way of thinking about relationships along two axes:sexual openness and emotional openness. “Take what helps and dismiss the…

Polysecure 2: What Does It Feel Like to Be Safe With Someone? Part 2 of 4 in a short series reflecting on Polysecure by Jessica Fern At one point, the book poses a series of questions: If I turn towards you, will you be there for me?Will you receive and accept me instead of attack, criticize, dismiss or judge me?Will you comfort me?Will you respond in ways that calm my nervous system?

Polysecure 2: What Does It Feel Like to Be Safe With Someone?

Part 2 of 4 in a short series reflecting on Polysecure by Jessica Fern At one point, the book poses a series of questions: If I turn towards you, will you be there for me?Will you receive and accept me instead of attack, criticize,…

Polysecure 1: Attachment vs Neurodivergence – Am I Misreading Myself? Part 1 of 4 in a short series reflecting on Polysecure by Jessica Fern Attachment, trauma and consensual non-monogamy My counsellor, Richard, often refers to attachment theory when we talk about my relationships – my husband, my friends and lovers, my family – and the problems that arise within them. I realised I didn’t really understand the theory, so I thought I’d learn more.

Polysecure 1: Attachment vs Neurodivergence – Am I Misreading Myself?

Part 1 of 4 in a short series reflecting on Polysecure by Jessica Fern Attachment, trauma and consensual non-monogamy My counsellor, Richard, often refers to attachment theory when we talk about my relationships – my husband, my…

The love that doesn’t soothe Today's counselling felt like a bit of a brain dump. It can be like that sometimes: the usual catch-up rambles from topic to topic and back again. As with many of my counselling sessions, it was split into two halves. The first we talked about recent events with my husband. Richard (my counsellor) was much more understanding of my little meltdown at the hospital, but he was also proud that I'd manage to identify when I shifted from rescuer to persecutor and that in so doing I had broken out of that poisonous cycle.

The love that doesn’t soothe

Today's counselling felt like a bit of a brain dump. It can be like that sometimes: the usual catch-up rambles from topic to topic and back again. As with many of my counselling sessions, it was split into two halves. The first we talked about recent events with my…

Tell Me I’m Still Yours

I had a "gentleman caller" visit last night. I told my friend and Dom, Funiculosus, that he was coming. I felt really strange about seeing somebody else. Which is very strange, because Funiculosus and I aren't partners. He has a long-term partner already. What was this…

The Case for Not Leaving the House I enjoy working from home. Its a privilege really - there are lots of jobs that simply cannot function if the staff never came into the workplace. I tend to go into the office a couple of days a week. I have to have different expectations of what I will achieve in the office - there are more likely to be chance encounters and ad hoc conversations.

The Case for Not Leaving the House

I enjoy working from home. Its a privilege really - there are lots of jobs that simply cannot function if the staff never came into the workplace. I tend to go into the office a couple of days a week. I have to have different expectations of what I will achieve…

You Didn’t Have to Read It It's been a long weekend in every sense. My (ex) husband left hospital on Friday after spending five nights recovering from a nasty bout of emphysema. It was horrible to see him struggling so much. Friday was Good Friday, so I took fish and chips to his flat. Saturday I took him out for a coffee - he can't walk very far at the moment, so I thought he would like to be somewhere other than his flat or a hospital.

You Didn’t Have to Read It

It's been a long weekend in every sense. My (ex) husband left hospital on Friday after spending five nights recovering from a nasty bout of emphysema. It was horrible to see him struggling so much. Friday was Good Friday, so I took fish and chips to his flat. Saturday I…

Letter to MP: Follow-up: Online anonymity and biometric age verification I have written to my MP about the community's concerns about biometric age verification. I included a couple of the graphs to support the email. Here it is! I'll let you know what response I get back: I hope you are well, and thank you again for your previous correspondence and for your continued engagement on issues affecting LGBTQ+ communities.

Letter to MP: Follow-up: Online anonymity and biometric age verification

I have written to my MP about the community's concerns about biometric age verification. I included a couple of the graphs to support the email. Here it is! I'll let you know what response I get back: I hope you are well, and…

Mapping Our Community – Survey Results on Platform Safety A little over a month ago, I shared a short anonymous survey to better understand where our community gathers - and where people feel safe discussing sensitive aspects of identity. The survey was prompted by ongoing conversations about data security, privacy, and changing platform policies, particularly around identity verification and biometric age checks. Rather than speculate, I wanted to hear directly from people.

Mapping Our Community – Survey Results on Platform Safety

A little over a month ago, I shared a short anonymous survey to better understand where our community gathers - and where people feel safe discussing sensitive aspects of identity. The survey was prompted by ongoing conversations about data…

Thank you my wise friend 🩷

How Much Love Is Allowed?

It wasn't just a frantic Friday - what with meetings at work, my husband had asked me to pick up his medication (his emphysema is particularly bad at the moment). As a result, I had no time to unwind before this evening's counselling and started off feeling stressed.…

0.9 Seconds That must be some kind of record to when I jumped from rescuer to persecutor in 0.9 seconds. The husband had been to A&E the day before (while I was away) because he felt that he couldn't breathe: his emphysema was particularly bad. However, he cannot stand hospitals and his anxiety goes through the roof, so he didn't stay to get any treatment.

0.9 Seconds

That must be some kind of record to when I jumped from rescuer to persecutor in 0.9 seconds. The husband had been to A&E the day before (while I was away) because he felt that he couldn't breathe: his emphysema was particularly bad. However, he cannot stand hospitals and his anxiety…

Final cardiac rehab Life kept interrupting my cardiac rehab with a stomach upset, then a dodgy back, so I'd had to cancel two of the classes. That meant that today was my last session. I arrived early because I cannot stand being late. Attendees gradually arrived: this time I was definitely the youngest! And it makes me feel uncomfortable - why is that? Its a sense of not belonging, of not being ill…

Final cardiac rehab

Life kept interrupting my cardiac rehab with a stomach upset, then a dodgy back, so I'd had to cancel two of the classes. That meant that today was my last session. I arrived early because I cannot stand being late. Attendees gradually arrived: this time I was definitely the…

Administrative emotion

I had a sleepless night following an emotional evening with my husband. I then had a real struggle to get ready for work in the morning. And when I opened my email, I read this: The court has certified that it is satisfied that the applicant is entitled to a Conditional…

Musings in the small hours It's 03:47. I have been awake for hours. My head keeps going over the evening. I have tried a hypnosis track. I got up, made myself some warm milk with nutmeg, and watched an episode of "Golden Girls" on the telly. I tried to sleep on the sofa, which the dog loved, but I was cold - and my head still wouldn't shut up.

Musings in the small hours

It's 03:47. I have been awake for hours. My head keeps going over the evening. I have tried a hypnosis track. I got up, made myself some warm milk with nutmeg, and watched an episode of "Golden Girls" on the telly. I tried to sleep on the sofa, which the dog loved, but I…

The Relief of Not Deciding It was a very early start for a Saturday. I had to get to Southampton Central Station to catch the seven-thirty train to London Waterloo, where Funiculosus, my Rope Master would be waiting. I prepared my clothes the night before. He'd asked me to wear a particular pair of socks - black, red, and grey with the word "sub" written on them.

The Relief of Not Deciding

It was a very early start for a Saturday. I had to get to Southampton Central Station to catch the seven-thirty train to London Waterloo, where Funiculosus, my Rope Master would be waiting. I prepared my clothes the night before. He'd asked me to wear a particular pair…

The Silence Around Voluntary Eunuchs Today is World Eunuch Day. Last year, I wrote about the ancient rites of Cybele – about the Galli, about devotion, about bodies offered in service to something beyond the self. It was safely historical. Distant. Contained. This year, I want to talk about something much closer. Much more uncomfortable. I want to talk about eunuchs who choose it. Because here's the thing: everyone is happy to talk about forced castration.

The Silence Around Voluntary Eunuchs

Today is World Eunuch Day. Last year, I wrote about the ancient rites of Cybele – about the Galli, about devotion, about bodies offered in service to something beyond the self. It was safely historical. Distant. Contained. This year, I want to talk about…

Britain Still Has Conversion Therapists. Here’s Why. YouTube video by Philosophy Tube

youtube.com/watch?v=_S5w...

The Space Between Friends Friday night is movie night! And this Friday Ambrosius suggested "Sinners"… and that we invite Patricius. He's not suggested going as a group since we saw "Pillion" in December when Ambrosius became convinced that Patricius and I were holding hands while watching the film and became horribly jealous. And that didn't work out well for our friendships. Things didn't start well, with me suggesting a six-thirty meet at Subway for a bite to eat, Patricius agreeing straight away, and then Ambrosius suggesting 7pm shortly before we were due to meet.

The Space Between Friends

Friday night is movie night! And this Friday Ambrosius suggested "Sinners"… and that we invite Patricius. He's not suggested going as a group since we saw "Pillion" in December when Ambrosius became convinced that Patricius and I were holding hands while watching the film…

What If I Said That About Men? I chat with my dad on the phone at least once a week. He always says the same things, which I am used to, but I felt particularly uncomfortable this time. He was talking about women - leering after them as they went about their business - even his best friend isn't immune to this treatment (although she get's "dirty old man lite").

What If I Said That About Men?

I chat with my dad on the phone at least once a week. He always says the same things, which I am used to, but I felt particularly uncomfortable this time. He was talking about women - leering after them as they went about their business - even his best friend isn't…

Radiators and Revelations I am slowly repairing the house after the flood of the summer before last. The husband had cracked the toilet cistern. My focus has been on the kitchen. Even before the water leak, the radiator in the kitchen has been removed because it was coming detached from the wall. As part of the general tidy up of the kitchen I bought a new radiator.

Radiators and Revelations

I am slowly repairing the house after the flood of the summer before last. The husband had cracked the toilet cistern. My focus has been on the kitchen. Even before the water leak, the radiator in the kitchen has been removed because it was coming detached from the wall.…

Mapping Our Community – A Short Anonymous Survey I will shortly be closing the survey on online safety for our community; I aim of process and release the results at the end of March 2026. There is still time if you would like to contribute: Over recent months, there has been increased discussion within our community about data security, privacy, and changing platform policies - particularly around identity verification and biometric age checks.

Mapping Our Community – A Short Anonymous Survey

I will shortly be closing the survey on online safety for our community; I aim of process and release the results at the end of March 2026. There is still time if you would like to contribute: Over recent months, there has been increased discussion…

IDEA: Ætheflæd of Mercia History is full of men with swords. Kings. Conquerors. Founders of nations. But every now and then you stumble across a figure who makes you wonder why we don't talk about them more. One of those people is Æthelflæd, the Lady of the Mercians: she might just be one of the most important people in the creation of England.

IDEA: Ætheflæd of Mercia

History is full of men with swords. Kings. Conquerors. Founders of nations. But every now and then you stumble across a figure who makes you wonder why we don't talk about them more. One of those people is Æthelflæd, the Lady of the Mercians: she might just be one of the…

At The Temple of the Nanna Goddess I am come again to the temple of the nanna goddess on Clevedon pier. Today she has arranged for a moody sea, whipped by winds. So far I am spared the goddess's tears, but she withholds her smile from me. I make an offering to the priestess, before progressing to the inner sanctum, where I make sacrifice. I partake of the holy sacraments of tea and cake, and pour a libation.

At The Temple of the Nanna Goddess

I am come again to the temple of the nanna goddess on Clevedon pier. Today she has arranged for a moody sea, whipped by winds. So far I am spared the goddess's tears, but she withholds her smile from me. I make an offering to the priestess, before progressing to…

Subspace and Churros I have been feeling drained and emotionally out of sorts for a while, and there's only so far pills and therapy can take me. What I really needed, what I really, really needed was to be tied up and held! When I opened the door to Funiculosus, that inner playfulness and affection that gets hidden in everyday life came bursting through - I was practically bouncing with glee that he was here.

Subspace and Churros

I have been feeling drained and emotionally out of sorts for a while, and there's only so far pills and therapy can take me. What I really needed, what I really, really needed was to be tied up and held! When I opened the door to Funiculosus, that inner playfulness and…

Three Chocolate Biscuits Later I'd been feeling quite drained, possibly due to the antibiotics causing poor sleep and headaches, possibly due to just overdoing things, so I took the day off. I treated myself to a professional head shave and beard trim (including nostril waxing). Followed by a light lunch. After which I was shattered … … and spent the afternoon napping! A waste of a day?

Three Chocolate Biscuits Later

I'd been feeling quite drained, possibly due to the antibiotics causing poor sleep and headaches, possibly due to just overdoing things, so I took the day off. I treated myself to a professional head shave and beard trim (including nostril waxing). Followed by a…