It’s actually insane that I have said “I hate walking in that door” and nothings changed.
I’d be fucking mortified. I’d be heartbroken to hear someone say that to me. It would matter. It would inspire change.
I could have been so much better. I could have had so much more.
Wastewater data : flu spiked few days ago and now Covid is the highest it’s been in a year by double
My timeline : aw looks like I came down with *something*, *something* must be “going around”, I’ve felt like I got hit by a truck for 2 wks but I have to go spit it someones mouth at a party tonight
“This show makes some really interesting commentary on PTSD” he says - correctly - and simultaneously with absolutely no fucking idea just how correctly. And he has no idea whats resonating. And nothing keeps him up at night.
TFW the only person you want to talk to is the absolute last person you should speak to ever again
I’m so tired of having to constantly reassert a very medically/scientifically reasonable boundary. especially to people I would have otherwise considered very smart and compassionate. I’m tired of having to “put myself first” and feel guilty because they….wont. Where’s the consideration?
I’m tired of other peoples lack of care/concern making me have to be “the bad guy”
“Hope you don’t mind I’m exhibiting signs of being sick”
should have been
“hope you don’t mind *I* will be cancelling so I don’t get anyone sick”
Why is it always up to me. This is insane.
“Are you going to be okay?”
No. But that’s not *really* a choice on the table is it. Just platitudes.
“Are you going to be okay until our next session?”
I’ve HAD to be okay regardless of whether I WAS okay for as long as I can remember. What’s one more time?
Oh look. Everybody who went to the party is magically sick “with something”
Nothing feels good
“Blue no matter who” show me someone who *actually belongs* in the blue then and I’ll do it. Easy peasy! Stop giving me republicans who accidentally put on the wrong jersey.
Sure wish being high had worked. Be nice to feel something that ain’t…this
Honestly kind of fucking terrified but what else are we gonna do but just roll with it like it never happened
Spiteful living is only a good motivator if you wanted them to hurt. If you just wanted to be loved how you needed, survival isn’t enough
I mean it’s probably too late to save yourself, but good effort 😘
Turns out being at the vet while hearing someone else euthanize their pet is super triggering.
What a fun thing to spontaneously learn. I just wanted to pick up some food.
I still miss her every night.
Exposing my fruits on the timeline? Oh my god.
Double-dosing muscle relaxers is the only thing currently helping my sleep apnea (which makes no sense) and I have no idea what that means for my organs but what’s the worst thing it’s gonna do? Kill me?
Love that my body decided to finally let up hurting at the same time I have to get up for an appointment. It’s fine having no sleep. This isn’t psychologically damaging or anything
I don’t want to be.
They seem like too small a thing because they are. Because I don’t believe I deserve more so I’ve never asked for it. And I’m reinforced in that belief because I don’t even get the small things. That’s why it feels bad to consider. It is. It is bad.
Just emailing my accountant at 4:30 am that I fucked something up. They’re going to want to kill me and quite frankly it’s deserved. I need to turn my brain off 😞
“Sounds like a walk in the park”
“Have you walked in the park lately? Full of bums and perverts”
Hate when my therapist asks for a “feeling” and what I answer with gets classified as a “thought”
Sorry I forgot the word for “inadequacy” while I explained the *thought* that I’m never enough, vocabs not on point today or whatever 🙄🙃
Ah right I’ve got a late appointment tomorrow night so nothing gets done and a late appointment Friday night so nothing gets done. Love getting nothing done. Best thing
Oh cool I came home tonight instead of stayed at the studio and got some fuckin work done for no reason. The communication is fuckin lit
