The Atlantic Hawks play the Newark Nicks tonight! Ain’t that right, Jami with an e?!

What are we doing, People? Journal-AIsm must be saved from the vulture capitalist warlords at all costs

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars.

We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director.

Please stand by for more.

Stand-up comedy was an early 21st century form of asymmetrical therapy in which a man with a severe untreated personality disorder would speak at length about his various neuroses and prejudices to a paying crowd of strangers. Modern analysis has concluded that this practice was counterproductive.

Btw, many "open secrets" in many industries--that doesn't mean you have info you can corroborate & publish. And if getting that info involves rushing, pushing or re-traumatizing people in a thoughtless or selfish way... nobody I know who does this work wants that. Nobody should want that.

Same goes for Greek Easter

You’re either watching Geese, or you are Geese

Social media feels extra silly right now when you can be away from your phone for 12 hours, and check back in to find everything everyone has posted about the news is already outdated.

Is this because you saw my neighbors toss out their mattress yesterday?

On Easter 2016, if you’d suggested that Donald was the prophesied Antichrist, people would’ve laughed at you.
On Easter 2026, Donald’s followers follow him for that very reason. This is all going according to their plan.

Jack Black with Jack White during the SNL monologue

“So stick around, and we’ll be White Black.”

When watching Arsenal crash out is more satisfying than watching your own beloved Liverpool, you know the season is cooked

Ask a stand-up comedian and they will tell you a 3.5 star rating for their show is death.

The Mark Twain Prize was right there

More like auto-make-errors-to-correct, stupid smartphone

Happy Stay Off The Internet Day

Do the Red Sox know these games count

That this was deliberate for the joke of it takes it down a notch tho

Weirdly but sadly I doubt many Americans could’ve agreed who was the worst president before now, either

You’ve got to hand it to him, though

I’ve submitted a couple of times but have no idea since there’s no feedback

Headline: Dow rises 300 points after Trump says U.S. in ‘serious' talks to end operation in Iran

Golden retriever runs 15 feet after owner mimes throwing tennis ball

He’s on CNN every Saturday, for what that’s worth

Uhh

I didn't think that Duke loss could possibly get any sweeter and then I realized Stephen Miller probably had a sad viewing party in the White House and, ah, yeah, that did it

Just had my celebratory phone call with Mom following that UConn buzzer-beater! #fduke

Trendspotting: neighborhood edition
Out: esthetician spas
Out: unlicensed marijuana clubs
Fading: stoner-based bodegas
Fading: Dubai chocolate
Still in: Pricey smashburger or chicken sandwich joints with cringey names
In: See your seafood, pick your seafood restaurants
In: Gourmet dessert cafes

Again, the first Tea Party rallies in April 2009 -- heavily promoted in advance by Fox News -- only had about 300,000 attendees across 750 cities, but the media treated it like the Second American Revolution.

There will be multiple *individual* No Kings rallies today that have more people at them.

Accepting things for how they currently are does not mean we have to like it, or that we cannot do whatever we can to make things better. Even when people and institutions with power benefitting from the way things are continue trying to undermine our hopes, dreams and ambitions.

drake meme with his face replaced by the new york times logo the new drake times are not interested in "millions of people worldwide joining together in 3000+ protests for the third time in less than a year" drake loves "three guys in a diner"

How has it been six years ago, just yesterday, and also completely forgotten