My mate lost his watch in the mosh pit at a BuffaloTom gig. 35 years later and still nothing from @billjanovitz.bsky.social . We will be going to see them again later this year, hopefully this time without any watch-related shenanigans.

MELANIA: You want me. Out of nowheres. To remind every one. Of my best friend, and child sex monster. Jeffrey Epstein?? (squints evilly)

NATHAN FIELDER: (voice over) The First Lady loved my idea.

In this Ohio diner, Ottoman Empire is still the place JD Vance shops when he’s horny. But they do know this: Hungary’s Viktor Orban only lost his election because millions of illegals were bussed in to vote.

There’s a part of my heart where I’m really happy right now that these pesky delivery robots in the city are treated just as poorly at traffic lights as we pedestrians are.

What’s more: they depend on our help—which we’re allowed to withhold :D

Dunlop - Tested for the Unexpected (1993, UK) YouTube video by The Hall of Advertising

Venus in Furs from this classic advert. I remember taping it off the telly and watching it endlessly. Never had heard anything like it. Took ages to work out who recorded it!

youtu.be/64xoAIfphaA?...

SURFERS. Make the probability of surviving a shark attack 50% higher by simply smearing yourself in Marmite before taking to the water. John Owens, Glasgow

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1 [Nurse talking to camera] This is usually our busiest time of year at the centre 2 [Show a sign outside a medical institution reading:] Centre for Adults Who Still Can’t Get Their Heads Round Daylight Savings 3 NURSE: We have a spike in admissions when BST starts 4 CONFUSED PATIENT BEING LAID DOWN BY NURSES: Is it forward or back? NURSE: Lie down love 5 We often see the same patients ever year PATIENT: So it’s like… time travel? DOCTOR: No 6 Every year we try to explain BST to them in a fun and memorable way [The patients are sat around a fun show, with people dressed in bunny suits jumping around a giant clock] BUNNY: And now I *spring forward*... 7 [Bunny springs forward one hour on clock] 8 PATIENT WATCHING SHOW: I don’t get it 9 The hardest patients are the Summer Time refusers 10 PATIENT [sat strapped to a chair as a doctor talks to him through a screen, through a tannoy] PATIENT: But why is it better? DOCTOR [talking through microphone]: Because it complicates things. 11 PATIENT: How is that good? DOCTOR: It makes you more tired. 12 DOCTOR [to assistant]: Fetch the cattle prod [Ends]

I think the clocks in UK go back tonight. Or forward. Not sure. Is it forward

Assisted Suicide Bill In Westminster Falls More great news, as the Assisted Suicide Bill in the Westminster Parliament also falls, joining the Scottish Bill which was voted down last week.

We're delighted that the Assisted Dying Bill in Westminster has fallen. This was a rushed, inadequate, and dangerous Bill driven by lobby groups with far too much money. We look forward to a future properly informed national conversation. More at link.

buds.org.uk/assisted-sui...

Princess Di bit was hilarious!

They’re telling me a great empire will be destroyed if I attack Persia. Even the oracles who don’t like me very much, very nasty, they all said to me, “Sir, it’s one of the great empires, and it’ll be destroyed. And all because you attacked Persia.” That’s what they’re telling me.

🔴LIVE WEDS 5PM GMT!🔴 It's been years since @johnnyohnny.bsky.social, @chrisbratt.bsky.social and I caused chaos on the battlegrounds but thanks to one small redundancy the cinematic team is BACK for a PUBGUNION tour! Watch here: youtube.com/live/W0x0h-A12Yc?feature=share or on twitch.tv/platform32

Just listen to what Andrew’s nickname was amongst royal protection officers.

I hate that so many politicians are addicted to drama, rather than just governing.

#MacintoshComputerDay 🖥️

Tweet exchange in which a photo of Anne Hathaway is posted by @TheRoyalSerf, to which user @VvSchweetz24 replies "@grok...do your thing. @Grok replies: Anne Hathaway isn't Jewish; she was raised Catholic but left the church. She married Adam Shulman (who is Jewish) in 2012 and celebrates Jewish holidays with their kids. SHe's played Jewish roles, like in "Armageddon Time."

pretty sure he meant the other thing, grok, but very cool that those are your two things

[Scene is a SCIENCE RESEARCH FACILITY where two white coated scientists are standing at a desk of instruments and controls in front of a one way mirroe, looking at a mocked-up drinks party scene in the next room. In that room is a man named Dan and a woman, holding glasses of wine and apparently having a conversation. Dan, however, has a hi tech helmet strapped to his head, with wires extruding from it and leading to the instruments next door. Dan when we see him close up has a slightly dull expression and is droning on, while the lady listens, smiling politely]. [Scientists looking through the glass] SCIENTIST 1: And is this one of your patients? SCIENTIST 2: Yes SCIENTIST 1: This is Dan. Dan was born completely incapable of asking people about themselves at parties. DAN [close up, droning on while the woman listens]: ...So yeah 1 like implement creative solutions... and I work with clients to design a... and I'm writing a novel about like this guy... SCIENTIST 1 [Looking at a screen showing Dan's brain with a hole in the middle]: As you can see, despite talking about himself for the past two hours, the part of the brain which gives a toss about other people's lives shows no activity at all. SCIENTIST 1 [bending over a microphone on the desk and pressing the intercom button]: Dan... Ask the lady... what her job is. [Dan pauses.] [Dan continues to pause] DAN: What's your job. LADY [smiling humbly]: Oh, I'm a murderer? Well, contract killer, you know, haha... [Show dan, silent] [Show lady, smiling, waiting for a response] [Show dan, still silent] [Show Dan, slowly opening his mouth to speak DAN: And- [But Dan falls silent again] [Show Lady looking slightly desperate now, silently willing him to continue] [Still nothing from Dan. But then...] DAN: ...And yeah part of my job is I coordinate media content to across platforms to create - SCIENTIST 1: Fascinating SCIENTIST 2: Isn't it [Ends]

I have met so many Dans, and female Dans, and they always blow my mind

MAKE yourself cry before you start peeling onions, perhaps by thinking about the death of an elderly relative, or how you are a failure in your family's eyes. Do not let the onion win. Mr Penny Pusher, Blackpool Arcade

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Tankies gonna tank...

"Did you get that picture of JRR Tolkien for the calendar?"

"Yeah, all sexy just like you asked for."

"Sorry, what...?"

(H/t @kaiserofcrisps.bsky.social )

E-mail Addresses That Would Be Really Annoying to Give Out Over the Phone by Michael Ward MikeUnderscore2004@yahoo.com MikeAtYahooDotCom@hotmail.com Mike_WardAllOneWord@yahoo.com AAAAAThatsSixAs@yahoo.com One1TheFirstJustTheNumberTheSecondSpelledOut@hotmail.com

pound for pound this might be the funniest thing ever written

Well done, a late entry in dumbest thing anyone's said 2025.

Tankies gonna tank...

10 panel comic about Dominic Cummings being a terrible children's entertainer who does a puppet show using dog turds and thinks he's a Machiavellian genius rather than a complete failure.

Every time Dominic Cummings spouts forth again I am reminded of @daveyjones.bsky.social's Dogshit Puppet Master from 2021 in @vizcomic.bsky.social

Throwback to when I added more sound fx to make this worse.

Cheeseburger-eating surrender monkeys 🇺🇸🍔🐒

Call it what it is: betrayal.

Engineering Equipment for Ukraine Help Liberty Ukraine Foundation reach their goal by donating or sharing with your friends.

Hello everyone, friends, followers, and supporters of Ukraine

I'm starting a new fundraiser for $120,000 to help Ukraine with engineering equipment, heavy trucks with cranes, and excavators

Please watch the video and read to understand why this matters

donation link www.paypal.com/donate?campa...

Might read a book. 📕

Only joking , going to look at my phone while a shit film plays in the background that I’ve seen at least 3 times and eat sugar until the anxiety is so overwhelming I have to go to bed. 😉

We've had to survive Steve McManaman tonight!

after careful study, I believe only people born between 1975 and 1995 should be allowed to use the internet

When I was 7, my teacher told us to write an article about “world cultures” for school over the weekend. I remembered it late on Sunday so in a panic I made up something called the "Icelandic Fish Festival", figuring said teacher wouldn’t know either way.