i call noon "the 'whiching hour". on account of that's when i make my sandwich

The face-cam of the streamer "Jerma985" floats to the side of the Alex Thorley Eats A Burger article page. He is eating a burger.

i just clicked off the stream and he's still there wtf

you're transported into the last video game you played. don't tell me what it is, i can't hear you anyway. you are now stuck in a virtual world and if the console is turned off you will die. your soul will be stuck in the wires and you will not reach heaven

2002 nissan altima drunkenly peeling out of a dave and buster's parking lot and, in a twist of ironic fate, barreling through a 5'2" tboy cosplaying brian griffin like a bullet through a watermelon in a slow-mo video

[playing poker]

FRIEND: I’m all in

ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too

FRIEND: um, a pair of kings

ME: you bet we are

what the fuck?

why did no one lead with this when trying to convince me to come over

everyone knows i was just kidding when i said i was never going to leave twitter ever right

hello everyone ha ha i am so glad i am not on the other site am i right fellows !

Be a pickup artist but for gainful employment: Unlike women, corporations do not deserve respect.

[dying in the ambulance] do the doctors know i’m coming? do they want me to come? who all is gonna be there?

me on twitter: i’m never leaving. i’m not locked in here with you. you’re locked in here with me 😈

me on bluesky: it’s sooo refreshing to leave the hellsite and start over. good vibes! we’re all lowbies now 😃

me on the maplestory forum i’ve been posting on since 2003: Im Going To Kill You For Real

it’s hard to even remember what my life looked like before the 🫡 emoji

You couldn't make Blazing Saddles today. You have never made a film before and it would take a long time to figure out.

I did it.

Never a doubt.

SCP-8000 — The Seal of Approval

scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-8000

i am annoying and loud

Still no funny posts on the timeline this is crazy

how do i bvecome anywhere

he chose this

scp

so how do i get funny posts to show up here

im am number one scp author ?!!!!!!

So are mfs using this or did they LIE

Take me down

Aetheral Space Humanity achieved dominion over the galaxy long ago. Once that was accomplished, they turned their ingenuity inwards. With their prowess over biological engineering, they transformed themselves into deific (...)

My first skeet will of course be promoting my friend Tanhony's web serial, Aetheral Space. It's really good go read it https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/34889/aetheral-space

You will be spared when the pyramid is complete.

(Other than mexican though, italians have perfected pasta style techniques)

I am drinking hundreds of liters of blood every minute

I wholeheartedly believe I've drunk more blood than the average human.

And yet, I don't think I've ever actually written about its taste. Figures.

Lucky i got this invite i was eyeing the gas station dietary supplements a lil too closely already

When the twitter mutual doesn't follow you back here