Well I suppose I already said that, if it's any indication of my current state

Totally sober yall

Spoiler alert: half bottle of wine = 1 drink

You're welcome

Totally unrelated but a half bottle of wine is one drink

I don't know what it says about me that I have figured out the best way to maximize the 2-drink limit at the movie theater

But I can only take so many kids movies sober and I'm not driving

I went into this store first, took a picture, left, then spent the rest of my shopping trip thinking about it so I got it on my way out. It was the last one!

The hand definitely sold it but I didn't get to bring that one home

A red leather coin purse in the shape of a fortune cookie, displayed on a gold hand on a shelf.

I impulse bought a fortune cookie coin purse at an outlet store and it's brining me an absurd amount of joy

Even though I don't really need a coin purse, it now holds hair ties and medicine

I'm so sorry for your loss. Ellen was such a light to the community, kind and thoughtful and dedicated - a positive role model for all of us. She will be greatly missed, my thoughts are with you and your family.

Lol true no little bells in it

This feels like an episode of New Girl or something

Oh ALSO! It was dropped off some time between 11:00 and 12:30 this morning while I was in a meeting, people were around but must have missed it

A tiny tarot card, the Ten of Swords. On the card is a body, face down, with swords strapped into it and the ground around it. An accompanying typed titled "ten of swords" has the following bullet points: Change, endings, love. A dramatic change may have just occurred unexpectedly. Trust that the worst has happened. A spiritual death and rebirth is upon you; a metamorphosis has begun. Be aware of manipulation, as you may be especially prone to it right now. What will you leave behind? Who will you become?

Someone left this on my office door today, just a plain red envelope with no writing, a tiny tarot card, and this note - nothing personalized or hand-written. No one at work knew anything about it, and I'm the only person who got one.

A real head-scratcher!

I Work Very Hard, And I Would Like To Try Cake By A Horse Hello. I am a horse. I work very hard at my job of being a horse. When humans say move the heavy thing, I move the heavy thing. When humans sit on top of me and pull on my head, I carry them where they want to go. The main food the humans give me is hay and oats. But I am thinking it would be nice to have a different food. I am thinking I would like to try cake. Yes, yes. Cake. I know all about it. When humans eat cake, it is in glad times. It is the food for a celebration, such as when a woman becomes 47. I have seen cake on the Fourth of July. When humans have a cake, they stand around it and clap hands and smile and say happy birthday at each other. Sometimes there are beautiful markings on a cake, such as balloons or a pink shape. Sometimes the top of a cake is on fire and a boy must blow on the fire with mouth wind. This is the scariest cake. I do not want this kind. But I will eat any other cake. Any cake that is not the fire cake that tries to kill the boy. Please understand: I do not get money for doing work. I do not get to go inside the house. All I am either doing my horse job or standing in my pen or eating food off the floor. I always do these things. But I have never once gotten cake and I would like it very much. I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children. I am more helpful to the farm. Children do not move the heavy things like me or let anyone ride on them. And yet they get cake. Maybe the humans will realize this. Maybe they will say, "You know who deserves cake? That horse. That horse whose back we are always on." Every day I dream about what it will be like if I get to eat cake. Here is what will happen. First, I will walk to the cake and putt my nose at it like hrrfff to make and stomping my hooves to make sure it is not a snake. Then I will trot in a circle to show that I am a horse and I am large. After that, I will nuzzle the cake to …

The horse op-ed is an instant classic. I can't tell you how much joy this piece gives me.

It should be taught in every introductory writing class in no small part because the horse arguments are so compelling. "I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children."

I say this all the time

OH MY GOD literally two days ago I was telling my partner about BOTH the rice truck and mail order cricket threads. It was because he mentioned raising crickets, and those two threads are inextricably linked in my head.

A tweet that says "I got curious once in the middle of it if I could replicate Godzilla's roar, and I just went for it, hoping it would be interpreted as just a moan. It was not." Below is a picture of godzilla.

Then the response

Tweet #1 What's the worst thing anyone's ever said to you during sex? my ex moaned my Twitter handle

This requires two screenshots but it lives in my head rent free

First the setup

I saw him live

I had literal tears in my eyes

You gotta take some big swings!

...I had Kansas over Duke 😬

#NeverDuke

Grrrr

I'm generally a nice person but if you ask me to explain my NCAA men's bracket choices you will discover just how petty I am

(thought prompted by how annoyed I am every time I see the jacket the Alabama coach is wearing)

I wind up sending a lot of emails from my phone but it's definitely not my preference

While I have booked flights on mobile, I am usually coordinating a bunch of schedules and that's hard on a tiny screen/across multiple apps! I need TABS!

I'm a sucker for wavy ear hair 😍

I am only just now seeing that one of my coworkers switched around my mini figs so they aren't corresponding with their color 😅

This is a trend I can really get behind, it's the cutest

Nooooo it's already gone 😭

Colorful Lego set with the inclusive trans flag colors (black, brown, normal rainbow, trans flag colors) and a matching Lego mini fig for each color. On some of the color stripes there is a matching tiny duck.

Closeup of a desk with a computer keyboard just out of frame. On the desk is a circle of tiny glass ducks of diggerent colors facing into the circle; one is wearing a Santa hat. There is also a pair of tiny ducks facing each other.

Our bioinformatics students wrapped up their classes today, and some of them managed to sneak in my office to leave me some tiny ducks as a parting gift