I am wearing a sequin jumper today.

"Do the sparkles move up and down?"
"No sadly not."
"Probably for the best, you'd have people touching you up all day."

Steady on, doctors' receptionist.

I was ecstatic yesterday because Smallest Human ate peas for the 1st time without screaming/crying/shaking/drooling or hitting himself in the head.
Then I was left wondering why my husband was keeping the Worcestershire sauce in the place where the washing-up liquid should be. Neurodiverse universe.

CAT

I swear I felt her raise her eyebrows the second I stopped petting her.

Smaller Human: "Waiting too long is FOREVER."

I hear ya kid, it's gonna be a long Easter break for mama.

Smaller Human was in my bed with me looking at my card. Thought it was fine as he can't read yet. He started sounding out "cuh ih ulll er...", basically the word "killer". Bodes well that that's the first word he ever correctly reads.

Small Human clearly at Greggs.

Small Human was telling me about this amazing café she went to called, "Four Squares" and I thought, I don't know that one, we'll have to look out for it and give it a go... Then I get sent this.

Smaller Human was on the floor in the fetal position with a vice like grip on my ipad, screaming, "I already went to school yesterday!"
I feel ya kid.

Small Human dropped salmon flavoured, cat lollipop in my coffee today.

It's that time of year, where I panic hunt for the Christmas presents I bought early for family. Can't find them. Came across day planners for 2015 👍 A very different time.

You realise you've done both of these for me.

Aah childebeests. Smaller Human asked for a goodnight kiss. I leant down and his teeth clamped around my lips. 🤢

This keeps making me laugh.

I had a brain wave about this as it had been on my mind- maybe he heard that Pease Porridge nursery rhyme at school or on YouTube and that's where it entered his bizarre little brain.
Now I need to work out why he keeps telling people that his granny lives in a lighthouse.

TFIF
Small boy is crying because he doesn't want peas in his porridge.
No one is giving him peas in his porridge.

Free on the 4th and 5th September, and want to support a trans teen giving evidence against Graham Linehan? Good. Here’s how… #Trans #TransSky

Toddlebeast decided to name three witches in his bedtime book tonight- Flower Pot, Short Stack and Stewart. So that's canon now.

Trying out a new mobility scooter to take the kids to the park. Mostly enjoying whizzing past my husband with my middle finger up, when the kids aren't looking.

Oh No.

You are unusually proactive in your own self-improvement for a sad person.

Don't @ me about using Prime. I'm disabled, housebound and poor and need to order things for the cheapest price online. Ethical shopping is not easy for povos.

"Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" leaves UK Prime in 13 days. There's also a documentary on it there voiced by Terence Stamp.

Toddlebeast has decided he's afraid of bubble bath. "They're trying to get me."

Toddlebeast thinks Black Panther is called "Black Pants" and Captain America is "Carrot Merica". Someone inform the appropriate people of the changes.

I am not a beach person. Judging by the meltdown Toddlebeast had about there being sand on his hands, neither is he.

"Gas smells awful, you might as well live"?

Just for that, take this unholy Internetting.

I will never forgive the rotten bastards we have in charge. 14 years of things getting worse, a huge mandate to change things in a meaningful way, and what do they do? Go after marginalised groups for no fucking reason other than spite and appeasing the ghoulish press. A generational betrayal.

A comb of cat hair

I would really like it if Small Human would stop using my hairbrush on the cat.

Small Human was trying to sing, "Hot to Go" but bless her dyslexic brain, she's singing, "H-O-G-G-O-G-O".

Summer break, one week down.