THE NAME’S THE GAME: Opponents of new arena in Potomac Yard settle on foolproof strategy to ensure it never opens, push to name it Yates Pizza Palace Center.

SAY CHEESE: Councilwoman Jackson delays ribbon cutting event while she sits for full oil portrait commemoration of her attendance.

PHANTOM LIMBS: It has been 794 days since the city cut down the beloved and iconic Witness Tree, a towering figure in our community that everyone definitely called by that name. We will not forget you, just as you did not forget the many things you (never) saw.

FIXER DOWNER: Shiplap futures crater as modern farmhouse renovations collapse in wake of zoning changes.

WELCOME TO EEL STREET: Confederate street name crisis averted in Old Town by simply turning street signs upside down.

IN OUR HOUR OF NEED: Seminary Hills resident lifts large flat velvet-wrapped package down off high closet shelf, carefully caressing the red and blue cardboard within. “Soon,” they whisper. “Soon.”