We should all be doing this, all the time

“The MAGA crowd is made of dumb people — like, SUPER dumb people. And they fall for it.”

For my @wired.com feature debut, I talked to Sam, a guy who made thousands of dollars on Instagram by scamming MAGA men with Emily Hart, an AI generated, Trump-loving influencer. www.wired.com/story/ai-gen...

Vincent D'Onofrio tweet from 4:44PM on 4/20/19: Pigs can't look up. But I could pick a pig up one night and raise it into the sky and tilt this pig ever so gentle. I can make sure this pigs eyes line up with the stars. Imagine seeing the stars 4the first time.I want 2b treated that kindly and see the stars for the first time.

Happy 4/20 fellow stoners. My goal for today is to get as high as D'Onofrio was when he posted this seven years ago.

forgot the period

actor Richard Kind

There were a lot of erotic thriller movies in the 80s and 90s but that genre has kinda faded. I think they were just too boring, and the casting didn’t help. Who would you put in a modern erotic thriller to make it more interesting?

I’ve got my answer.

A picture of a white coroplast “bandit sign” with “We Buy Houses CASH 914-800-3425” written on it in black marker. Note that this number is no longer owned by this person, it was like 2018. Also pictured are my shoes

Ok i promised the story:

I walked out of my house, a few years back, to find one of this first sign in my front yard. This happened a lot because I lived on the main thoroughfare through a popular commuter city, between the highway and the train station. My front yard was prime realty for signs ..🧵

Got in a little hometown jam
So they put a rifle in my hand
Send me off to a foreign land
To go and eat the silver ham

🤠

SOME anime is about how cool bugs are, ALL anime is about frantically studying for exams whose results will determine the course of your entire life

whenever people assume I am excited about a movie or show based on something I loved when I was 8 I just think about how weird it would’ve been if my dad got all pumped up about a Howdy Doody movie in 1986

Young pope Leo, undated but he appears to be in his teens or early 20’s

young pope leo looks like a ska scene regular who goes by Upbeat but no one knows his real name

M. Emmett Walsh, day-drunk and ornery, growling “Combat model. Optimum self-sufficiency. Probably the leader.” over a rotating 3D mugshot of Alvin the Chipmunk

Neil banging out the tunes April 13, 2006

Happy 20 years of Neil banging out the tunes 🐀🎶🎉

"I'm not upset," my wife said, digging a large rectangular hole in the backyard.

Three panel comic. Panel 1: at a house party, a guy is standing next to his buddy, a human-size horseshoe crab. They’re both holding red solo cups. The guy is looking to the other side of the room and excitedly says to the crab, “hey, there’s another horseshoe crab here!” The crab replies, “ugh.” Panel 2: the guy says, “what’s wrong?” The crab says, “he’s one of those guys who flaunts it too much.” Panel 3: we see the other horseshoe crab in question, engaged in conversation with a group of smiling people standing around him. This second horseshoe crab is wearing a cap with a horseshoe on it, and a novelty t-shirt that reads: I SURVIVED 5 MASS EXTINCTIONS. IS IT FRIDAY YET?

for me “doom scrolling” is actually just the pathological hunt for the first piece of news that indicates this whole unbearable moment is about to unravel

Doesn’t a movie starring all three of these guys break the laws of thermodynamics somehow?

“No, two, two. Four. And noodles.”

Screenshot of Joker and Batman from the Adam West Batman series surfing. Joker says "Cowabunga, Bat-Drip! As surfers go, it looks like you're all wet! Ahahaha!", to which Batman replies "Shut the fuck up! Fuck you!"

FRANCE: we're fancy
WORLD: ok
FRANCE: a fried ham sandwich is our national lunch
WORLD:
FRANCE: a fried ham sandwich with an egg is its wife

Why are you depressed playboy? Your dick is huge

LAURENCE FISHBURNE: im the king of all of the rats. every hobo works for me. i’m hobo god. I run hobo new york. now you come to me for hobo favours
JOHN WICK: [nods]
LAURENCE FISHBURNE: [laughs uproariously]

Sleep deprived age 22: “haha I feel loopy! Still gotta go to work though. Time to get behind the wheel of a motor vehicle”

Sleep deprived age 49: “I am a phantom, haunting my own body. Undeath is not life, but life’s dark reflection. I am but a glimmer of shadow on the surface of an infinite abyss”

Marjorie Taylor Greene just came out against having a big old wall of knobbly George Washington wooden teeth hanging off the front of your god damn face. "No more big carved out of a bar of soap ass monster sized donkey teeth!" she says. Well. Mayhap I will be the first to point something out then??

Hadn’t seen it in a while and I forgot how funny the “murder siren” is every single time

Motherfucker look like some shit a 7yo would draw in a January-release horror movie where his mom would ask what it is and he’d just say like “Cold Hank” or “the Ceiling Man”

At first I was like “why does this account exist” but then you get to things like this

The main thing keeping me from doing the proverbial early checkout is that if I’m wrong about the afterlife, by which I mean, if there turns out to be one, period, I am going to be so fucking embarrassed

Nothing kicks me out of a horror movie faster than when it turns out to be the devil. Like the devil from hell, like in cartoons

Like it’s not your fault if you grew up thinking PG-13 Marvel was the default mode for motion pictures. I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the system