What do you think will happen first? Will Trump turn on Elon or vice versa?

Trump and Elon have got the abyss backlogged

A handy guide

I don’t know who changed it from “I’ll ask” to “I’ll ask the question” but I should very much like to punch them squarely in the face

Your mum jokes in 2025:

Your mum thinks Trump’s a hero for saving TikTok even though his plan all along was to threaten it and then save it

Great Uncle Lush is watching snooker. THE SIDE EYE

Gordita Chronicles summing up the world: a story in 2 parts

What I need is a close friend who’s also a tarot nerd so I can text them a photo of my readings along with a 😉emoji and they’ll reply simply with 💯

Is anyone else exhausted in advance at the thought of the Daily Fail siding with Musk to get Starmer out? It feels their inevitable next step and I’m tired

Ahoy? Yeah, it’s Alexander. Alexander Graham Bell. No, I’m not “in your house.” It’s called a phone, dumbass. I just invented it. Hanging up now, call me back if you’re not a bitch oh wait you can’t yet lmao

Wait hold up: Andrew Tate has *actually* named his party BRUV? I assumed it was satire

Andrew Tate asking if he should save Britan has the same energy as the Get a Brain guy

Someone, somewhere has yet to hear Purple Rain for the first time. I envy them.

Salbutamol shakes are a v uncool way to pass a Sunday evening eh

Someone just posted a picture of their fridge with the caption “weight loss vs cheese dilemma” and that’s how I’ll be referring to January from now on

Wait: Monday? Yes.

Just about to take the dog for a walk and I said to him “WAIT. Am I wearing trousers?”

Monday.

Well this was a tale in 3 parts

The tie at the waist of my joggers got knotted so I’m essentially trapped inside my own trousers. How’s your day going

I got TikTok six hours ago to see what's going on over there and I am here to tell you that the kids are both profoundly not alright and, simultaneously, the most alright any living American generation has ever been

The revolution won't be televized but I think it might have a choreographed dance

We will never know what Solange did to Jay Z in that lift, but honestly, it wasn’t enough

Someone told me that the most popular name in the UK is Mohammed; you could tell she expected my white face to agree with her anger. I told her that 8% of the world’s population is white, so white people don’t even have the numbers to call themselves a majority. Fun times

I had a lot of plans for today. Sucks to be them I guess

I’ve risen. The shining will happen after coffee.

a fun thanksgiving ice breaker is to go around the table and rate everyone by hotness. it’s fine if no one else wants to play

An excerpt from “That Bad Man” by Wickham Steed. Published in the 1940s and still bloody relevant for crying out loud

This is a real team effort, fellow patriots. 🇺🇸

Today in the village there is a Christmas parade and I am in charge of the music on Santa‘s sleigh. I cannot tell you the willpower it’s going to take not to play Christmas in Hollis.

Thinking of starting a tribute band except it’s just me and I have an appalling voice and no musical talent. I’m going to call it Neither Wendy Nor Lisa.

Said out loud, it feels like it could be a sing-songy football chant