Seems impossible

Manny Machado, time to go be a family man

The jaaaaaacketttt

Getting mad at someone for saying “raviolis”

Ordering a Limoncello as a digestif at Little Caesar’s

you do one shot of espresso after a home run

I miss when the Marlins would at least win the occasional World Series before the cynical, decade-long teardown

Hey I think this guy might be a sociopath

where have i heard that before

if you say "give him his 10 seconds of fame" about someone, and then that person ends up taking your job, you have no choice but to wade out into the ocean as far as you can go, leaving your fate to the tortoises and porpoises. it's in the bible.

“I didn’t get yelled at. I didn’t get called an adulterer by the mother of my kids. Don’t put it in the paper that I got yelled at.”

I’m “flexed my knees and got in an athletic position so I wouldn’t hurt my back on an oncoming sneeze” years old

🤌🏻

I can guarantee it 1) didn’t pay and 2) hissed like an asshole. We’ve got to stand for *something*.

Worlds colliding, violently, for @andybehrens.bsky.social

And she was right

*firsts*

cowboy who stubbed his toe:

As a Niners fan:

Take it out of your mouth, Schefty! Nothing can be worth this degradation

I take exception to “nobody” caring about yachts.

Well, this made my day. Thanks for that.

April 20 is probably too early to be praying that Kyle Stowers saves one’s fantasy team, and yet

Utah-VGK beating the shit out of each other and the “Finesse-tern Conference” allegations

thank you, wife

I left BOS-BUF for 20 minutes to put my kid to bed. Rookie mistake.

This guy was watching over my hockey gear in the garage. Not terrifying. No shidd in my pants at all

Canadiens-Lightning erasing a disgusting day of baseball easily and immediately

Watching baseball is good—great, even—but doing so to track fantasy is to embrace constant despair

Updating the Wikipedia page for the phrase “a watched pot never boils” to “watched fantasy baseball players never hit”