A dweeb taking a gym mirror selfie in a blue tank top with mjölnir on it and gray gym shorts

Haircut day, I didn’t make the rules

@stopitg - 1d if i was at chernobyl i wouldv stopped it @georgenykov - 1d Breh my grandma was there and she got like 20 diseases in 2 hours lol not worth it @stopitg rip to ur grandma but im different

<*Clarence Carter voice*>

Hello if you are in the DFW area, I have tickets for Flyte at Club Dada on 4/29 and I will practically give them away if anyone is interested

Matt Damon playing a 14th century French knight that looks like a third baseman for the Phillies. Mullet. Beard. Smells like horse shit, pine tar, and cigarette smoke.

Matt Damon while playing Odysseus who also looks like a third baseman for the Phillies. Long, skinny beard. Smells like horseshit, pine tar, and perhaps Mediterranean herbs.

Matt Damon playing a 19th century cowboy that looks like a third baseman for the Phillies. Mustache. Shaggy hair. Smells like horse shit, pine tar, and definitely chewing tobacco.

Every time Matt Damon takes on a period role he ends up looking like a third baseman for the Phillies.

(•_•)
<) )╯ it could
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( •_•)
\( (> happen
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(•_•)
<) )╯ today
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alt text is making some breaking news tweets visible rn despite the pic/vid outage. hint ;)

I remember my sophomore year in college, a Ford dealership was running brand new single cab, 5 speed F-150s for $9,995

It smells like “this Trail Boss won’t be paid for til 2035” in here

We should actually update that saying for 2026 - all truck no cattle

And I thought Texas Tech was rich now? Are they just “big truck” rich and not “run a cattle ranch” rich?

It’s weird that Texas can’t do this and I’m forced to believe it’s because they’re either poor or because football doesn’t matter enough to them.

IT happens.

The Cowboys trade both of their 1st round picks to move up and take Jeremiyah Love

Also, just because you are attracted to someone, that doesn’t mean you should try to have sex with them. You can just have hot friends, that’s cool too. Sex isn’t some battle you’re constantly waging against.

When it comes to sex, we should be way more focused on teaching our kids about how to respect someone else and the trauma that can result from being careless. But instead they learn shame which means they can’t be open with potential partners when they’re adults.

What if it’s just… not that big a deal? Something fun consenting adults can do together if they want, like going to a baseball game.

They hate sex but are obsessed with it.

Christians 1) don’t want their kids to be gay, 2) don’t want their straight kids to see a bellybutton or the outline of a nipple, and 3) want their adult kids to have 1000 babies. 0 sexual thoughts until the minute you turn 18, then you need to immediately get married and have children.

He saw everyone talking about how it was cool to miss your flight yesterday and now war’s back on, great work.

Yeah right, like I’m not going to lick it, get serious.

🤔🤔🤔

I’ve had work chat and email on my phone since 2009, my phone dinging gave me panic attacks. It’s been on vibrate only for 16 straight years.

But I also know a lot of people have audible notifications on their phones all the time, do they like their phone dinging every 11 seconds?

I’m mostly kidding about the youth sports group texts, it’s just fascinating to me how many people overshare in them. Not personal stuff, just irrelevant information that no one else needs.

My phone has been blowing up since 6:51 this morning but now I know who’s going to the dentist, what part of town the catcher’s mom is working in today, who’s getting a haircut.

Because it’s raining today and the baby’s baseball team was supposed to have practice this afternoon, I now know every detail of every member of his baseball team’s family’s schedule today thanks to 8 & under baseball team group text.

Was your next dream about me fistfighting you because it should have been

Kinda sounds like the CEO of one of the world’s biggest companies played your frail ass like a brass band