Happy Earth Day? No. Happy Birth Day! To me! I'm much more important and likeable than this dumb old planet 😇😇

All I wanted was some FUCKING pornos on my favorite social media app and this FUCKING website looked at me and said "No, you dolt. You buffoon. You absolute reject.". Can you believe this behavior? After all the money I sunk into this place to almost get me to 250 followers?

I was about to get on here and ask if anyone had any pornographic images to show me but I guess this website has different plans🤷🤷🤷. Might as well go and fuck myself, right @bsky.app @support.bsky.team @safety.bsky.app ??????

It was packed on the last Saturday I was here too. We love to see a busy and vibrant art museum don't we folks!

Tfw you skip out of work because there's nothing to do and you sneak out to the art center but there's five buses of elementary schoolers there

Good morning to all my friends! Especially those who lit up my mentions with birthday wishes today! You matter. You are important. To me, you are real.

Do you honestly think you can stay up past 9:00 CST? Past bedtime? Gimme a goshdarned break!!! Go to bed NOW!

Not participating as no conspiracy theory is true. The official story of an event is literally always true no matter what.

Dozed off for like twenty minutes a while ago ama

Hold up?!??
His kenjutsu is this fire?!?!

Respect and honor to my noble follower on this soberest of Mondays 🫡

Hahaha 4/20 and it's my birthday! You know what that means *puff puff pass pass on a big ol doobie*😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️

No. I'm just joking. I'm thirty-eight now, well past the age of doing any illicit substances, much less one as potent as Marijuana. Thankfully, everyone seeing this tweet agrees.👍👍👍

A lot of people talk about fraud and gambling as the only two American exports but I think we need to view it more as a graph. Fraud and Gambling are the x axis and Lies and Porn are the Y axis. AI, for example? Fraud and on the line between Lies and Porn.

Good morning everyone! It's my birthday! Did you know that, in ancient Rome, someone having a birthday would give gifts to all their friends. That's what I do every birthday when I make a brilliant, scintillating post on this website!

Folks, I think we got enough mania going on in the world right now!!!! In regards to the current events

Just learned that the #boner pill company "blue chew" offers a significant discount to FIRST responders ONLY and does nothing for the valued Second Responder community. I'm sorry but when LEOs and #soldiers are away, a #jody is the one staying behind and pleasing their spouse. #WE #deserve #respect!

Hey. Listen. This could be us. But you are, in a word, playing.

Oy vey....waking up after a crazy night of partying (still in bed by 9:00 CST haters don't you worry). And what wakes me up this morning? Lawn mowers??!? Come on y'xll!!! Don't they know that today is my 38th birthday!!!!!

RT this tweet if you had a big meal for dinner and now your tum tum is full.
Like this tweet if you plan to achieve this state.
Ignore this tweet if you hate me 😔😔😔

Not participating in this one.

Well there's a silver lining in everything

Oh that's cool. Can you make mine do that?

I look like this when I take my shirt off

Robocop kicks ass

FRI
DAY
NIGHT!
It's my
BIRTH
DAY
NIGHT
I'm
THIR
TY
EIGHT!!!

Not participating as I find it foolish to invent new passages from a book that is already 100% fiction as it is #atheist #athiesm #GodsNotReal #HesSurelyALie

Contemplating my flawless and glorious countenance on this wonderful day. I hope my perfection has improved your dreary day, honored follower!

Bluesky needs to get this site fixed and pronto!! There are nearly 250 of my followers(and more if you count those too intimidated by my natural charisma) here who need to see my tweets forthwith! Come on y'xll!!! We CANNOT be doing this right now!

Hmm the QR system at work has been dinging me a lot this week on ticky-tack things they never cared about before and don't matter to anyone and it just happens to be the same week we roll out a new AI search engine piece of shit🤔🤔🤔

Seems reasonable. Cough it up!