I can tell how poor my mental health is by how much I’ve been watching Columbo, which is currently every day

a scene with one man (labeled "nap-inducing dreary weather") threatening another man (labeled "getting stuff done on the weekend") with a knife

(sleepily) it's the freakin' weekend

a cartoon of the joker saying " yoo-hoo " as he walks down the street Alt: a cartoon of the joker saying " yoo-hoo " as he reveals one leg in a sexy manner attempting to hitchhike

If i stand outside in the dark long enough, will the ufo aliens pick me up? Or do I have to do the thing from cartoons..

After my dog dying last week and everything else going on, I think I made a terrible decision to stop doing edibles this year

i am done with Self Care It is time for Others Harm an animorphs style photo of a blond girl turning into a cheetah

If some dead guy emerged from a cave, I would beat him with a shovel

Trying to distract myself with the Summer House drama even though I’ve never watched it and only know Ciara from Traitors

Being an adult is cool because you’re exhausted all the time but you also get the satisfaction of not really accomplishing anything

Binged Heated Rivalry this weekend and now all I can think about while watching the Olympics is which hockey players are fucking

so much clothing is marketed as "conversation starters" but as an introvert, i want "conversation enders." no more talking. let me go home.

Funny how kids want to be adults and adults want to die

When I say 'the house always wins', I'm not referring to gambling, I'm referring to my plans for the weekend.

I wanna be a bog body when I grow up

I'm on the sauce again...the spaghetti sauce

ME: [extremely burnt out] I need to take the day off to relax

ALSO ME: I wonder if there is a way that I could relax that would be more productive

it's amusing that I get dozens of targeted ads for me to “achieve extreme high performance!!” when I'd settle for “consistently functional”

What the fuck do you mean it’s only the 10th day of January

A sloth drinking decaf has more motivation than some of us today.

Trying to be less online just when I finally got fiber internet in my tiny rural town

Stages of life:
1. Birth
2. You gotta be fucking kidding me
3. Death

I don't believe in starting things fresh in the middle of winter. We're still in hibernation mode! Going with the natural order of things and not changing my ways until spring.

Starting the new year off right by eating sugar cookies and gingerbread muffins for both breakfast and 2nd breakfast

Tbf, if a rat crawled under my hat and started controlling me, I wouldn’t even care. Take the wheel, rat daddy

I really could’ve gone without seeing people’s AI slop photos looking sexy with the Grinch

Don’t mind me. I’m just finding new and exciting places to cry: crying while watching Bob’s Burgers, crying while exercising, crying in therapy, crying at Aldi’s, crying at the gas pumps, crying next to the Christmas tree.

You can smear icing on your face and dip it in sprinkles if you wanna. You deserve the sweet little cookie treatment too.

Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is also frightful
Everything is frightful
I have anxiety

coffee isn’t enough i need to be put inside a giant rock tumbler

Nope, still screaming into pillows and to the heavens

*jumps for joy*

*joy just out of reach*