"Without us you'd all be speaking German", Donald Trump tells an audience in Davos, in Switzerland. Where the most common language is German.

What's the chance of everyone standing up and telling him to go and fuck himself? #trumpdavos

I feel like contributing to his defence because this is very funny

For the love of fuck, can we stop with the whole tapping nails against a product at every opportunity. My gears have officially been ground.

a man is doing a handstand in a field with the words hd movies written on the bottom . ALT: a man is doing a handstand in a field with the words hd movies written on the bottom .

Me approaching my MP to ask why he's voting in favour of the welfare cuts.

I'm so tired that I just replied to my own post on reddit.

Mum- "I wish you would buy summer clothes. Tired of seeing you in black."
Me-

The amount of venom and vitriol aimed at disabled people who use the motability scheme is horrendous.

a woman stands in front of an explosion and the words surprise surprise ALT: a woman stands in front of an explosion and the words surprise surprise

Daughter came home from uni to surprise me for mother's day.

Thankfully mine doesn't eat them. Just throws them around until I can capture them. The window now stays shut so I can inspect his mouth first.

Bringing mice home for me to rescue is not contributing. He doesn't care about my feelings.

Jump scaring freeloader.

Foot biting shithead.

Happy birthday to my son who is 5.

an elderly woman is sitting in a chair with her hands on her hips . ALT: an elderly woman is sitting in a chair with her hands on her hips .

When command strips say they won't damage the walls

5 years on

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Not the biggest Gaga fan but slightly obsessed with her new one

ONLY 99P! Bootcamp for Broken Hearts: A totally perfect and hilarious romantic comedy amzn.eu/d/3Tfr0yH

I would like to not have another weather warning, thanks.

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Facebook groups already on trampoline watch

a woman is making a funny face while sitting in front of a bed in a bedroom . ALT: a woman is making a funny face while sitting in front of a bed in a bedroom .

Me when that emergency alert went off

a group of men are standing in front of a building with netflix written in the corner . ALT: a group of men are standing in front of a building with netflix written in the corner .

Kingdom on Netflix is so brilliant. Obsessed.

Not that I want to wish the year away, but I hope so.

You know when people say "it's not for me" when they've hated something but have manners?
Babygirl was not for me.

Really enjoying the 17th week of January

a woman is surrounded by pigeons while wearing a hat . ALT: a woman is surrounded by pigeons while wearing a hat .

I'm staying at a really posh hotel soon, and I'm absolutely going to lower the tone of the place.

My consumption of Korean films, tv, pop, rap and skincare is ridiculous. Pretty sure I'm singlehandedly keeping their economy afloat.

Just saved another mouse from this freeloader. I'm great.

a man in a white shirt is talking to another man in a yellow shirt . ALT: a man in a white shirt is talking to another man in a yellow shirt .

My account is now 99% bots and onlyfans.

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My daughter heading back to uni with half of my wardrobe.