huge night for the fireworks imessage effect

Porter Robinson? I hardly know her. And my name isn’t Robinson!

maybe the rice cooker wants to be smiled at while cooking rice? and perhaps that is how one imbues the flavor of love into the rice. surely it would happen.

saying “i hardly know her” and twisting around into infinity until i fade away

the wings aren’t actually even hot it’s just sean evans that makes them do that

the anchor doesn’t — rrrNnnG— the anchor isn’t what actually makes the boat— hheeAugh— it just has to sink— mMffhhnm- it’s the weight of the CHAIN—

so high in the park bathroom i just waved the toilet paper goodbye

5th base is having my migraine pill in his car

guys will have a bitmoji that looks nothing like them

how to hype up the friend with reflux:
say things like
“my boy is gerded with the sauce”
“he’s hitting the gerddy”
“you’re the G.E.R.D.”

i feel bad for the spider i just took outside. it’s 80 degrees and he’s so fat