Those fellas build up like no other amirite

Start small like an ant. A carpenter ant.

Maybe it will be Sabrina Singer someday and she’s just… building up to it

my 82 year old widowed grandmother has a boyfriend! my dad yelled at me when i said "looks like meats back on the menu" but deep down i think he knew it was a pretty good joke

her name should be sabrina singer

true crime brain has fucked people up so bad and they get really mad when you point that out. and also that the entire true crime industry is predatory and exploitative

Me and my opponent when we argue online

My coworker told me how I decorated my work area made her think of big mushroom and I immediately responded that’s because I’m such a fun guy

* ᵃᶠᵗᵉʳ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵈᵃᵈ ʲᵒᵏᵉ ᴵ ⁱᵐᵐᵉᵈⁱᵃᵗᵉˡʸ ᶠᵉˡᵗ ᵒᵇˡⁱᵍᵃᵗᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᶜʰᵉᶜᵏ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒᶠᶠⁱᶜᵉ ᵗʰᵉʳᵐᵒˢᵗᵃᵗ

"thanks again" is a great phrase to use when you didn't necessarily thank someone previously

a gigaflop is when you post one billion bad jokes

I don't know shit about fuck but I can tell you that if you send me a Teams message that just says "Hi Alison" then it will sit there on read until you tell me what you want.

them: why is your brain like this

me: Clash of the Titans, Dark Crystal, Secret Of Nimh, Legend, Dragonslayer, Beastmaster, Labyrinth, Krull, Shannara books, Belgariad books, Xanth books,,,,

Pronouncing shitakes like shit takes when I head to the store for a price check.

Wendy’s simply costs too much to be tasting like that

I have been looking for guillotine earrings for ages. These rule

thinking about making good posts. as a bit

you gonna eat that chip on your shoulder

I'm not the step-dad, or the dad that stepped up. I'm just the guy banging your mom on the weekends, champ.

At the punk show clapping politely and hoping no one spills my $10 beer

also true 🥺🫶

“Women hate men as a system and men hate women as individuals” 💯

mulheres odeiam homens enquanto sistema e homens odeiam mulheres como indivíduos

Also women hating men usually just means staying far from men whereas men hating women can end up in murder.

had to be done

I hate when my brain has too many tabs open

Nice dissonance. Let me guess, cognitive?

why colonoscopy when cheek a boo was right there

women who hate men generally just hate what men have done to them whereas men who hate women mostly just hate what women won’t do for them

the difference is crucial