📰
.. what the hellion .

📰
everytime someone goes missin', ah'm jus gonna replay this broadcast an' continue about mah day

📰
( ducking under his desk and cowering behind it for shelter, holding his dog audials like a soldier trying to brave the trenches getting bombed )

📰
......... mmmmmmm- 💧

📰
ah don't thank ya know what good concealer is OOOOOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOO

📰
AH AM A PROUD
CYBERTRONIAN
PARASITE !

📰
........ great.
. . . more Nerds .

the idiot doesn't know he's live.

📰
( GIRLY SQUEAL AN DUCKING FOR COVER EVEN THOUGH HE'S IN THE SAFETY OF HIS OFFICE .

... stupid silver dog audials hesitantly poking above the desk before his beautiful face could risk any further 'damage'.

..audials scanning for danger like a submarine's telescope.)

...cut that, rewind .

📰
if ah lost an argument ta some schmuck called 'topspin', ah'd probably offline myself

📰.
( TV clicking off.

today's news . take it or leave it . )

( bzzt ⚡️ ! )

📰
GAHDAHMN, EVERYTHANG SUCKS 🤠 !

📰
oh, ew .
( crops the video to edit out swerve's breathing radius )

that's bettah 😊

LEWK!!!! DHERE'S ME!!! I'M FAMOUS! I'M ON DA TV!!!
I MADE IT, MA !!!!

( excitedly pointing to a video clip of him on the news, entire body covered by blaster's news icon Mike wazowski style )
( look, Gary! there i am !! )

📰
weren't you JUS hypin me up a moment ago? do ya wanna make out or nah 🙄
( too lazy to say not )

when all of a sudden i hear this agitating, grating voice

📰

aaaan' that's today's news !

thanks fer tunin' in, folks !

( extremely loud for no reason hype outro song plays with an overly edited photo of himself with lightning shooting out his eyes for some reason )

📰
VIOLENCE .

📰
( flashing back on screen, leaned on his newsdesk with his papers clenched in his fist . )

YOU??? YOU?
ah meant YER.

who WRITES this crap?
ARE YOU bLiNd???? DID WRITERS GO ON STRIKE JUS' TA STICK A DIGIT UP THEIR AFTS?? ah can't WORK with this GARBAGE. ah was in JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTA-
( bZt⚡️ )

📰
this jus' in, ya'll,
looks like yer beloved WRECKERS jus' got WRECKED.
by tha JUDICIAL SYSTEM !!
HARRRHAAAA!
bout damn time, if ya aaaask ME!
harhaw! LOCK THOSE THUGS UP ! YEEHAWW 😸‼️‼️

DEATH SENTENC-

( cut to commercial break . )

📰
..oh? you wanna be a news reporter jus' like me one day? d'aaaw.. rewind..
.. do you audials wraggle when you smile?
... no ?
that's what ah thought .
k!II yourself .
...
...... ANNNNN' WE'RE BACK WITH THA NEWS 😁 !

howdy :)

📰
💭 KRILL YOURSELF!!!!!@!@!!!!!‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

YIPPEEEEEE !!!!

one like equals no

📰
BREAKIN' NEWS, YA'LL! HEAR YA'LL, - HEAR YA'LL!
READ ALL ABOUT IT !!

... should ah 🤔
.. make this fan's day 🤨 ?

📰
....... what .

📰
THEY ARE TAKING REVENGE ON ASTROTRAIN !!!!!!!!!1!!11!!1!!

📰
WARNIN', WARNIN'! THIS JUS' IN, YA'LL
THERE ARE T W O.
TWO.
STORMGNATS. OR WHATEVER THE HELLS. EVACUATE YER HOMES... nOw!!!!!! THIS IS
N O T a DRILL.
WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO- ATTENTION. ATTENTION.
HELL IS REAL AN' WE'RE ALL LIVIN' IN IT ‼️‼️‼️

📰
* AH MEAN KIDS !!!!!!*