Headline: World’s biggest condom maker set to raise prices due to Iran war

oh great now where am I supposed to get my world’s biggest condoms

I'm thinking about feasting on you from behind. #hornypost

Beyond him trying to present Trump as a cuddly, non-threatening grandpa in 2015, the fact is that under Fallon The Tonight Show is as funny as a visit to the oncologist. Sitting through his monologue is televisual self-flagellation. And frankly The Roots are too good to be associated with the show.

I spent most of my life turning the other cheek. And if it's something that ultimately makes no difference I still might. But when it's a big deal, something that seriously affects my life, I find it's worth the effort to push back.

If you're not familiar with r/pettyrevenge, check it out.

I approve wholeheartedly! (Not that you were seeking approval from some rando on Bluesky.)

Oh, she's fine BTW.

My daughter's taking her first solo drive. She is supposed to text me when she gets to school. Until then I need to be held, I need to be reminded that she's going to get there safely and everything will be okay, and above all I need to be reassured that I'm still hot despite my advancing age.

They really are capturing the “buy these ten issues of titles you don’t follow if you want the whole story” vibe that helped wean me off superhero comics when I was a kid.

I'm thinking about feasting on you from behind. #hornypost

The length of time between "about to ejaculate" and "ejaculating" must be different for different people. Or maybe I'm a slower climber than most.

Looks fantastic to me! Glad you had fun.

Traffic wasn't too bad. That's definitely making the list tonight.

Now I'm sitting in what used to be my office watching an early-eighties episode of Doctor Who while I wait for 12:20 or so, at which point I need to pick up my wife from the airport.

I had a fun* thirty-six hours at home, mostly playing chauffeur/gofer. Now I've gotta sit in Sunday evening traffic because my kid has school tomorrow and I need to get her back to the condo.

*I mean, not really.

Whatever peckerwood said "you get more conservative the older you get" was huffing paint. He was just a racist bitch that needed an excuse to be more racist. I'm old as hell and have been getting more radicalized every year.

🎯🎯🎯

😂😂

Jesse Watters is a thirsty motherfucker. Jesus, dude, calm down.

Yay to vacation, but boo to your cold. Feel better soon!

Me: So what's up with the women in the shipping container?

My kid: Well, I guess they were murdered.

Me: Okay, but why?

Kid: I don't know. We're only one episode into the season.

Me: [scoffs] I thought you were natural po-lice.

“Dude, you can't compare yourself to Jesus. For one thing, Jesus' father loved him.” - Colbert

"I ate my nachos like a man, but I need a napkin like a little behbeh."

My daughter drove us to Taco Bell after school because she's been craving it after a late-night visit during her recent New York trip. When we got home I asked if she needed a fork and she informed me that she did not, and that she would be eating her nachos "like a man".

This kid's always amusing.

Yes! Just heard it!

It's definitely not just you.

This was supposed to post at six.

I'm up. This morning's agenda might be school dropoff by 8:30, therapy at 9:00, and back to sleep by 10:15.

And now for two and a half hours of (hopefully) uninterrupted sleep.

Early morning airport runs are more fun in summer, when I can theoretically sleep as late as I want after I get back.

Did Iran hire Newsom's digital media team...?

About to start season 2 of The Wire with my kid. I don't think she's familiar with Tom Waits, so I'm totally telling her that this season's version of "Way Down in the Hole" is being performed by RFK Jr.

Anyway, tonight I let my mother know via text and, to my surprise, she said it doesn't bother her at all.