Game shows:

Host paid thousands per episode

Tens of thousands paid on production

Cant even let the contestants keep the few hundred they got when eliminated

We have Love is Blind

Thats why im writing a new show, Love is slowly loosing your mind.

Where you marry some while on LSD

Me: Thats fucking crazy, fuck a duck as they say

Friend: They....WHAT?

Husband dies in fire after wife tells him roof is on fire

His final words were "We don't need no water, let the mo..." wife says

"He was committed to the bit" she explained

Writing a spin off for Death In Paradise based in a village with just 2 people. Currently only finished episode 1

Writing a spin off for Death In Paradise called "No Paradise" based in Ireland

This version of John Lennon's imagine sucks

Ps Ban Polymarket...and Trump

Everyone, I just found the solution to the cost of living crisis

Things dont cost anything when you stop living

I like how we at the "betting on when people die" part of capitalism

Its always the few that ruin it for the rest of us. The few rich, and the few really really stupid people.

Sometimes they overlap and a Trump is born

Watching Freaky Friday and your man wanted to bang her mom just a day earlier

Bought a red wine just called red, 6 euro, 12.5% alcohol

Yes I am a bit of a connoisseur

That Friend: Well I just think Trump is the best president and thats my truth, you can change my mine

Me: Well my truth is that I think you suck hairy donkey balls secretly so here we are

Trump proceeded to tell more about this mystery negotiating figure from Iran

"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair
And a dress cut down to there" he says

Trump declined to say who in Iran they are negotiating with

"She goes to a different school" he says

Imagine working in a store

And some douche comes in, recording themselves, saying something like

"Hey fans, whats up, im doing the living in the store challenge..."

Geneva Convention needs to be updated

I've messed up a few times in work, but I've never invested 80 billion in metaverse, and that makes me feel better

Read a rumour on social media that I died and got really excited till I found out it wasnt true

Maybe a system where a few have exponentially more then they need over a vast majority who needs are not met is not a good system

Ok everyone, got a brand new TV series in the works, based off an original idea

Its about a big city doctor who moves to a small down

When people say "ill tell you something for nothing", I always tell them something as well so its not for nothing

Im such a nice guy

The Paradise TV Series on Disney+ is brilliant, season 2 is somehow even better then season 1 which was amazing

Each episode of season 2 so far really hits you hard

#Paradise

This isn't a fight, its just a carefully executed kick in the balls

My "Anti Getting kicked in the balls" club is on hold whilst I kick someone in the balls

Some of these manga names do be brilliant, they be like

"I went to the shop to buy bread and then I met a demon"

No amount of logic can predict the orange man because no logic is used in his actions

Bridgerton would have a comet hit the earth and everyone be like

"Oh shit the ton"

Producers be like

Producer 1: So its a cooking competition and winner gets to be head chef and let's call it "The Heat"

Producer 2: Awesome

Producer 1: And some of them bang each other

Producer 2: ......you had me at bang

#TheHeat

USA be sending out threats to everyone like they are fucking Oprah Winfrey