it probably feels so good to do something with your life

Hey everybody! I am taking the helm of this classic American institution with @theonion.com and want to know what you fine folks would like to see from us.

theonion.info

kotaku.com No, Fremen Stillsuits Do Not Jerk Them Off Sep 3, 2018 — An erroneous piece of Dune lore began with a joke by the Twitter account dril, posted on May 11, 2017. moontaku.com Yes, Fremen Stillsuits Do Jerk Them Off. Dec 7, 2021 - Not only do their suits jerk them off, but the resulting liquid is recycled into water, which they drink.

Dune debates are happening

A key component of worldbuilding that amateur media critics don't understand is that just because something is patently ridiculous or full of obvious problems does NOT mean it's impossible, or even unlikely to happen.

Our world had Juicero; there is no reason a fictional one would be any different.

it used to be so cool to be on the computer

A photo of a print NYT headline saying the strait is open next to an IPhone NYT headline saying it’s closed

Schrödinger’s Strait of Hormuz

Iran is performing medical miracles. Praise Allah

i’m such a stupid fucking mark for trying to “work” and “follow the law”

If you're currently under the age of 50, you shouldn't stress about what you're gonna retire on cause unless some big changes happen, we're never retiring.

Money, much like getting into trouble, is a fake idea.

art is more important than retirement for artists. i'll never retire. i will however make art until i die. i can't imagine loving money. money is the wire mother

Every small business owner thinks they are a capital g capital m Great Man that is the sole holder of the esoteric knowledge of "how to sell goods in a local area".

Tragically I've seen many small business owners who would rather see their business close than to be bought out by the staff. Why? Because if someone else can successfully run their business, maybe even run it better, it means the person who started the business isn't special or unique.

I've traced almost all of my hardships in life to one key fuck up of mine: being born into a poor family

I eagerly await the Garfield, sir.
My youngest brother got me this earlier in the week to use when I go to bookstores!

Ok so there’s this pedophile with a cult following who thinks he’s Jesus and he lives on a compound surrounded by armed security and he wants to usher in the apocalypse via holy war. It’s like America killed David Koresh and then he came back as president

The Simpsons. A pamphlet edited to say “so you’ve decided to become isolated and weird” with an image of Bart peaking out a window

Logging on

Screenshot from the game “Mario is Missing”. Luigi is speaking to a woman, “Where am I? Where’s the nearest koopa? What is this?”

Twin Peaks: The Return, Episode 18

DAD WHO IS COOL
DRIVE KIDS TO SCHOOL
CHANGING MY SHIRT
ITS COVERED IN DROOL

Hunter from Spyro as a sweet skateboarder innit

Yo Spyro! Do a sweet kickflip or I'll continue to hold the eggs of your kin for ransom

Pentagon Develops Tactical Zoot Suit

Pentagon Develops Tactical Zoot Suit theonion.com/pentagon-develops-tactic...

The most bad-ass rebuttal from Tite Kubo, the author of Bleach.

Steamed Hams Inc. ♪ YouTube video by NPCarlsson

Today we respect the memes 🫡

youtu.be/aRsOBFhNjVM?...

Bros turned cigarettes into cocaine

I know it's truly baby's first theory book, but god damn Mark Fisher really did nail it with Capitalist Realism.

You know what would also help her afford her husband's cancer treatments? UNIVERSAL FUCKING HEALTH CARE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST HOW IS THIS GODDAMN COUNTRY STILL LIKE THIS MAYBE GRANDMA SHOULDN"T HAVE TO DELIVER FOOD LIKE A TEENAGER IF WE HAD A DECENT FUCKING SOCIETY!!!!!!!!!!