I don’t even HAVE biddies. They’ll persecute me for nips alone!

As a person who tends to free boob it in the summer this is a DIRECT attack.

Ask one, but not the other I matched with a guy who tried to take me to a DJ set and I instead just unmatched and ghosted him

Life isn’t that bad when you make things be OK

Caviar is just savory popping boba

I’m about to pay an Etsy which to curse my Situationship to lose another hair follicle every time I cry over him

Actually, it sounds like a you problem. Why are you fighting a stranger on the Internet about something that barely matters.

Yes, actually he’s my partner and he’s very smart but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel my own personal anxiety every time he leaves the house with 45 minutes to go

My partner basically travels for a living, he’s so cavalier with his arrival at the airport time that’s it makes ME nervous even when I’m not with him.

The most important dividing line within couples is Team Early To The Airport versus Team Late To The Airport. I seriously believe you should be able to filter for it on dating websites. (I am also Team ETTA, obvs).

Forever is a curse.

My ex meta once referred to this kind of partner as a “Disney dad boyfriend” where he’s only there for the fun good parts but not when you really need him.

The upgrade went through and I got lemon ricotta pancakes for breakfast. do you see why it is so hard for me to go no contact with this fucker.

Making eyes at the guy in line for pre-check with me that’s checking a hard hat because now I know those are the ones that you should go for

I’m about to pay an Etsy which to curse my Situationship to lose another hair follicle every time I cry over him

Sounds like they’re …divided

The circus had an idea

“Feud with the Pope” is BACK as a likely Wikipedia section heading after a 400-year gap.

You, the child, wanting to look smart: Tim Robinson is just yelling

Me, the adult, wise: that’s the point

I mean, I think it’s a relatively low bar but harder for some people than others I guess

And neither owns a home!

I’m flying frontier. They only got Virginia slims available.

I am a single issue voter and that is being able to smoke on a plane again

They let him join The Beach Boys and he’s never turned his back on them since

What does John Stamos owe to the Disney corporation?

The meat lover is your girlfriend‘s boyfriend and the vegan is your boyfriend‘s girlfriend and you are starting to think that maybe you’re just gonna get Chinese without telling anyone

I don’t know if hayley williams was expecting this many women to also have a best friend that they were willing to risk it all for suddenly drop out of their life and leave them stranded when she wrote this song

There’s always one vegan, who gets a whole fake cheese pizza to themselves

If there are eight people in the polycule , how many pizzas do I need