it’s pretty pathetic but I haven’t fasted this long in a very long time. Idk when im going go end it but im fully triggered and I just don’t want to eat ever again.

my hubbie took some pics of me yesterday and this is the result of that

I’ve come to the realization that seeing my family/parents affects me more than I realize

Every time they visit me it sets me back. I relapse back into old patterns - indulging in comfort food, emotional eating, using sweets to cope.

Every time it takes me MONTHS to get out of it.

hi I’m back yes I’ve maintained this entire time but I’m ready to lose now lol

It might take me another year but I don’t mind as long as I make it happen. And I will.

And this feeling is so addicting. The feeling of achieving my wildest dreams, watching my clothes become looser and looser..my bones slowly start to surface more and more..I cant get enough of it. I’ve waited so long and I’m so close..just have to keep going a little more and I can get there..

My life has changed so drastically just by getting to 184 / bmi 27. I can easily imagine how much more it will change once I reach my actual goal. I’ll have even more confidence to do things I’ve always wanted to do but never could because of physical weight restrictions or mental limitations.

Of course I’m not at my goal yet. I still have a long way to go. But I know I’ll get there eventually. And I no longer have to hide myself in the meantime. I can dress how I want now without feeling super insecure. I don’t shy away from cameras. I no longer hide at home.

I forgot what it felt like to not be obese. To be able to walk for longer than 10 minutes without getting out of breath. To not struggle finding my size in stores or having clothes fit awkwardly. To just feel normal and comfortable and fine existing.

Clearly still very far from my goal but Im so relieved to not be that big anymore…i was stuck between 225-245 for most of my adult life, occasionally dipping to 195 during mia relapses but never going below, and a couple times surpassing 260.

Yall this wasn’t even my HW but when I tell you I was literally coping so hard by thinking I was just “a little chubby” and seeing myself as I am rn…it’s so fucking wilddddd

Looking at old pics of myself and wow I can’t believe how fat I used to be and I was completely fucking blind to it like how?!!?

cw vomit // ive been wondering why I’ve been smelling vomit recently and I just remembered I got some splashback in my hair a few days ago 😷

i know clothes run larger now than they did years ago so i cant be too happy... but progress is progress 💗

i went to hot topic yesterday and tried on some clothes that were on clearance. i was so shocked to find the L sizes I picked up fit perfectly. this is coming from a former 2x-3x wearer so i thought no way this would fit and it did!

im always so snacky the week before my period...damn luteal phase

thank you love 💗 i made peace with my cookie omad 😅 luckily i burned alot of cals yesterday as well but today ill follow these tips so the last 10 cookies dont disappear as fast ahaha

Same I don’t keep much in the house but after a week without chocolate I caved 😣

I told myself I’ll just have three a day but that three turned into four then five then six then boom 10 🙃

I can never resist Nutella but the cookie version is on a whole other level 😭

I shouldn’t have bought these I already ate 10 (700 cals) 😖

I’m also super nervous about what they’ll say about my weight loss. My weight has always been a big topic for them and I just don’t want to hear anything. I know my mom will be ecstatic to find I’ve lost so much but I don’t want to hear it at all.

And then my alcoholic mother swears there will be no drinking the entire week they are here. Ironically she said it while drunk. She can’t go a single day without a beer. Pretty sure her body is dependent on it. So I doubt that will happen too

My family is coming in two weeks and we’re all staying in an Airbnb. I’m so stressed and anxious about it

To start, there’s ALWAYS drama, especially with my older brother who I haven’t seen in two years

Apparently he’s gone through rehab and is better now but idk if i believe it :/

not losing weight after averaging 500 cals for the past several days 😞

my gw is whatever weight I need to be to fit into jfashion clothes

I feel silly still struggling with SH and EDs at this age…will it ever end?

Had a crash out this morning over absolutely nothing and now I’m questioning my entire existence

my hubby said I’m getting too skinny..like bro I still have 50 pounds I need to lose ? 😭

gonna be more active on here now that I’m settled in my home and finally locked in

Finally back to the weight I was in September before I gained and got stuck in maintenance 😮‍💨

This is my LW as an adult, I still have a long way to go before getting back to my LW ever, when i first developed my ED as a teenager.. but at least November is off to a great start :)