apparently my gf has never watched an Olympics opening ceremony before, which i now know because she just turned to me and said “wait, i thought the Olympics were like….. sports?”

working at a university is wild bcs half the time students are out there doing legit groundbreaking research w/ experts in their field etc & the other half of the time they're in my office asking things like "hey this email i got says 'submit your FAFSA now,' does that mean i need to do something?"

What does it mean when your doctors keep insisting you redo the cognitive exam

parks Y @parkersity_9 Without naming your job, tell me something you say 20 times per day at work

“That sounds illegal”

agreeing to make a terrible deal while your main opponent is quite literally being boo'd on live tv by an entire stadium of people is the kind of political instinct you'd normally only find in a 3 week old dead goldfish

Primaries for senators

😎😎😎😎 GOOD THINGS CAN STILL HAPPEN 😎😎😎😎

also met this guy, a national hero if I’ve ever seen one tbh

happy #nokings day from dc :)

Joseph Finder ~ • Follow 2d • G • • • It's the 250th anniversary of the midnight ride of Paul Revere. A local TV station mapped the route out with nods to past and present Boston-area landmarks, including all seven Dunkin' Donuts a modern-day Paul Revere could stop at: https://www.nocboston.com/news/local/paul-revere-midnight-ride-boston-today/3685215/

i often see things that make me say "this is the most Boston thing I have ever seen in my life" but i think this one might have swept them all

he’s here to eat treats and save america, and he’s all out of treats

today’s additional vibe: protest signs decorated further on the sidewalk outside of the smithsonian

today’s vibe: protest signs drawn freehand on a moving train lol

What’s the opposite of doom scrolling?

Even if you accept the premise and decision, which I absolutely do not, it is the simplest thing to phone the visa holder, tell them their visa is revoked and say they have a month to leave the country. Accosting someone on the street like a kidnapping is just a spectacle of terror.

what i love about maryland is that we have exactly one (1) republican member of congress and we literally never shut up about how much he sucks 🥲

hello from my puppy who spent 10 minutes running in circles with her giant stuffed ducky toy in her mouth for no reason today

an orange cat is curled up in a circle shape with his fuzzy face looking up at you very innocently

I understand that these are dark times that call for courage. But keep in mind I am just a baby

Warnock on whether he’s no on the bill AND cloture, says “If I weren’t a preacher, I’d tell you what kind of ‘no.’”

Panel from a Peanuts comic strip Peppermint Patty complains to Lucy. She says “That stupid Chuck! He’s stupid to even know who he likes!”

Think about that 60-some-year-old South Korean senator who was literally climbing over walls to vote for impeachment as martial law was imposed in the country and then looking at…. Chuck Schumer.

it's like they looked at last year's absolute fucking nightmare debacle of a FAFSA rollout ("""""""simplification""""""") and thought "hmm ok well that was fun, but what if we made it worse????????"

my professional opinion (i work in financial aid) is that this is the most absolutely fucking deranged thing i've ever heard in my life

The cynical appropriation of rhetoric about Jewish and women’s safety is in fact antisemitic and misogynist: it trivializes the suffering and oppression of those groups for ends that ultimately hurt them.

anyhow!!! in nicer news, here are some good dogs i’ve met recently!!!

the good news is, she does! the bad news is, her hospital briefly came to a complete standstill bcs their sterile processing contract was canceled! you know, bcs of that terrible woke deep state democrat DEI conspiracy called [checks notes] clean scalpels

talked to my college bff who works at a VA hospital today and began our call with that traditional american greeting, “hi! do you still have a job?”

ADL twitter statement offering support for wildly unconstitutional action to detain and strip status from a green card holder for pro-Palestine protests

BRB, checking the history books to find out whether “tyrant starts redefining peoples’ citizenship status” usually ends well for the Jews

just fyi the ides of march is coming up, if anyone would like to do the funniest thing of all time

you’re fired. wait you’re rehired. email us a list of things you’ve done today wait forget it you’re fired again. come back your job was important. you’re fired. or hired. come in to the office. wait the office has no computers go home. we are the department of government efficiency.