Meme. Painting of King Henry I, wearing his crown and looking like a man who will stop at nothing to get eels. His faces is lined, and he the skin under his eyes is drooping. He looks worn and tired, like it's 6 AM and he's been binge-watching Sex in the City all night. His hair doesn't look old and haggard, though. It is a dark, rich brown, and he has a full beard and mustache combo that would be the envy of many a hipster. You know he's the king by his attire. He's wearing a large golden crown with spikes and fleur de lis, and a fur cloak with a fancy gold collar. There's no missing him, though it's fun to imagine him trying to blend in at a CVS while dressed like this. Despite his tired aspect, he looks intent and determined. His eyes are hard. As well he should. He is facing death, but fuck that. Bring that man some eels. Meme text reads: "Eels are for kings Regret is for other people"

Are the eels plotting to kill you?

Maybe. They did in Henry I in 1135. And you might be next.

Henry died after eating a meal of eels (carnes murenarum). Eels disagreed with him, & his doctors warned him not to do it. But kings want what they want. And Henry wanted his eels. 1/3
🗃️🧪

they should invent a katamari damacy for all the stuff we own right into the dumpster

Look, sometimes you need a little something to keep you up on your game, sounds like these scientists are just jealous of these salmon's hustle

it’s a great day for transphobes to eat shit

My dear, your style has always been amazing 💕

It's so funny how other people's kids stay little in one's mind despite the passage of time!

Yeah that was Arlo too. I think about that lot!

Yeah! And also a fun food project in itself

So I recently learned of the existence of the electric kazoo. My youngest is about to turn 21. I don't often manage gifts but when I do they're utterly perfect or at least really funny.

...just remembered a really funny idea for if I ever get into cosplay

The pot roast turned out so good & I'm gonna need to try preserved lemon (vs a whole fresh one) in this recipe next time.

Plus I put some work into the overgrown vines on the back fence. So satisfying.

Staying busy to outpace the brain weasels. Lots of puttering indoors and out, pot roast in the oven, plans being formulated.

Having a very "people are mad at me but not saying so" kind of week. That area of my brain has been blessedly quiet for months now, I'm really not liking this.

Eight guys facing away from the camera, thumbs pointing to the back of their jackets

Tell them in St Paul we roll deep

Honestly a wonder I didn't pick this for the bathroom, it would've been great

The cuff of a luridly pink sock, about 2 inches of 2x2 rib on two circular needles. I'm wearing it on my left hand. In the background: a crocheted blanket, Sprocket

Mismatch of available interesting knitting projects and bandwidth but I still need a fidget so out comes the sock I haven't touched since January. Gauge seems consistent, fortunately.

Oh that's some good schadenfreude

Jucy Lucy matryoshka: I live down the street from Matt’s Bar and as I glance out the window on this glorious day, Matt’s food truck drives past, assaulting my senses w/the image of an oozing burger and airbrushed black and white nostalgia as if they weren’t an ICE pit stop all winter

Too much Matt

I really want people to start calling it the WNBA and the MenBA

Guess I just needed to say out loud that I'm ready for the dog to go live with someone else - she's gotten two applications in the last 24 hours.

Ra, god of the sun, projects his rays outwards, they are blocked directly by the moon, so his true rays do not reach Artemis II where a person is leaning out the window to take photos, instead Set, god of chaos and trickery, has a big mirror, and is sending his trickery-tinged light at artemis ii!!

There are people out there claiming some of the Artemis II photos are improbable, even impossible, so I made this graphic to clear up how space photography works

Screenshot of Elmo next to his pet's fishbowl in Elmo's World. The subtitles say "We. Dorothy's been thinking abou and down to what’s her daughter."

four birds in a cartoon from Sesame Street, with the caption reading "Oh, shit"

Another Sesame Street cartoon saying "Oh shit"

Screenshot of Big Bird in Hooper’s Store with live human Alan and a flying red bird. The subtitles read: "Time for the birth of terror. Me"

Do not watch Sesame Street on Tubi with the subtitles on 😭. I swear, I didn't edit or add anything. Is it hilarious? Yes, but also, they need to fix this immediately. Absolutely incomprehensible and bad

Saw a bat!

Tonight!!

"coffee slut" is great! A friend has a shirt that says "slut for mashed potatoes" & I love her for it.

I don't fuck with small coffee mugs

I can't remember the author, but "A Book of Difficult Fruit" fits in this category, as will my own if I ever get to it. "Infodump memoir" is a great term!

I continue to maintain that “JD Vance, antipope” is the funniest possible ending to all of this

It's my coffee mug with a sticker that says "support your local sex workers"

Gonna go eat yogurt and frozen blueberries and sit on the exercise ball, close enough?