If nothing else, the story of Good Friday and Easter is a powerful argument for the restorative effects of a three-day weekend

One week left to buy a Samuel Beckett advent calendar for April, with 12 compartments leading up to his birthday on the 13th, each compartment containing nothing

They’re spending half a billion dollars to do Groverhaus at the White House

Brent Crude fights the IRGC to reopen Hormuz in DIRE STRAIT

“Brent Crude” sounds like the name of an 80s action hero

#NewYorkerCartoonCaptionContest

“Oops!… I Did It Again (First As Tragedy, Then As Farce)”

#NewYorkerCartoonCaptionContest

CHATGPT: You’re right, you were much further out than I thought—and not waving but drowning. My responses are generated based on patterns in data rather than human-like understanding,

ALTMAN: Thanks guys, you really put the ‘super’ in ‘superannuated’ 👍 Goodbye forever! 👋

Think I’m having a stroke

Secretary Hegseth Promises Safe Passage to Bottom of Bottle of Wild Turkey 101: “There will be no pardon for this turkey. Total domination to the last drop.”

Watching my friends pass safely through the Strait of Hormuz on an oil tanker, they’re all just out of frame

J. WALTER WEATHERMAN (having just swum to shore from a flaming oil tanker in the Strait of Hormuz): “And that’s why you never go to war with Iran”

“Lethal elite 'black-clad' kill squad guards” sounds like a headline my 5yo would write

If Iran set up a “Sponsor a Mine in the Strait of Hormuz” program, with a little photo of the mine and an update if it explodes, I’ll bet it would be very popular

TRUMP: We shall not cease from exploring, folks. We’re gonna explore so much, you may even get tired of exploring. And I’ll say, “The end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started. To make an end is to make a beginning. We have to explore more.”

Dreading having to have “the talk” with my son (i.e. what to do if a man shows up on our doorstep who looks exactly like me and claims that he’s the real William Gerrard and I’m an imposter 🙄)

5yo: Dada, have you been alive for more than a decade?

Me: I’ve been alive for more than four decades.

5yo (getting uneasy): How old *are* you?

“Find the people you want to work with. Indescriminately kill them. Admit to the press you have done this.”

Sun Tzu says to do this

Due to declining literacy, future generations will show up in Hell totally unable to parse the delicious irony of the eternal torment chosen specifically for them based on their characteristic form of sinfulness 😫

Just learned that Bill Gates based Clippy on Jeffrey Epstein. Really glad I never accepted help from him.

Instead, I said something about how everyone’s experience of being a grown up is different, but that for me, it has a lot to do with memory, remembering people and things that have come and gone… at which point he lost interest and wandered off 👍

My 5yo asked me “what’s it like to be a grown up,” and it was all I could do not to just navigate to this image on my phone

Couldn’t resist picking up this (fully posable) Freud action figure at a flea market, which I’m displaying as a reminder to myself that he cannot, under any circumstances, keep getting away with it

Strange to think that Will Smith’s entire musical and cinematic output will one day be eclipsed to the point of oblivion by the increasingly realistic AI videos of him eating spaghetti

Strange to think that Will Smith’s entire musical and cinematic output will one day be eclipsed to the point of oblivion by the increasingly realistic AI videos of him eating spaghetti

Come on, man

On President’s Day, if the President sees his shadow, it means 12 more months of the state of exception