...I have a business idea

My dad died Monday night. I can't find words for anything. Yesterday was a truly horrible day. I made myself so ill trying to keep him alive and well, to ensure he was understood and happy. I worked so so hard for 5 months, only expecting a full recovery like we'd been told, just to end up here

I've tried to keep all of this offline until now, I've just fully run out of ways to cope. Especially as I've completely destroyed my physical and mental health doing all this. I dunno how to fix it enough to do anything. It was his choice, he knew he'd be alone and is fine with it. I'm not.

My dad requested to go home for the end of his life, so that's what has happened. Through all of this, since Oct, I have been in his home & with him (& his dogs). But this caused me to have a full blown breakdown about a week ago & I can't continue. He will be alone at night. The worry is unbearable

Run out of bookshelf space again, eh? 👀

Hmm, I have assessed your offer and at this time will be choosing not to accept it.

OK Jay but what if I, a total stranger who has contributed absolutely nothing else to chat, am the special exception to this rule

Reporting this for unlabelled adult content

Thank you, lovely ❤️ He's still here and the prognosis is short but there's no guarantee that it won't be longer. It's just hard, worked so hard to keep him alive and well and this was never supposed to be a possible outcome. I think grief counselling will def be required for me this time!

Might just go back to my previous method of just occasionally screaming for a bit

Doing that for so long definitely broke me a few weeks ago. Before we discovered he only had probably a few months left. Only for that, barely two days later, to become days or hours left.

I dunno how to let the build up out? Don't know how to manage it when it pops up weirdly either?

Rode and fought down the constant waves of extreme anxiety and grief over the last 5 months because I had to in order to continue caring for and advocating for my dad to keep him alive. And now that he's... Not going to be alive anymore? I don't know how to manage that? Good lord.

I feel bad for throwing this out here for everyone to have to read - sorry and thank you! ❤️

Just sitting here for the past hour and a quarter while all he can do is shout from immense pain because they can't administer more pain relief for ages yet. I dont know how anybody does this

I think pouring every second of my life and every ounce of energy (and then somehow more) in to keeping my dad alive and well cared for for months and nearly killing myself only for him to end up in agony and dying anyway might be one of the shittest things I've ever experienced tbh

If you like your shit finely aged:

Thank you, friend ❤️❤️❤️

In hindsight I think you were quite a bit nicer about it than I just was. Sorry.

Do you remember when you basically told me to shut up worrying about showing my art because it's actually not terrible? Probably not. But this is basically the same thing. People want your art because it is good and would like to fund more of it so, like, shut up worrying, yeah?

How To Get To Heaven From Belfast was so good btw

This biome didn't quite render properly

For some reason I now feel like I've given the PE teacher a note from my mum

Sometimes life gets too much and you put off doing your washing long enough that the Christmas jumper is your only option left

The balls of Lisa McGee (presumably). To whack Saoirse-Monica Jackson's character right in front of the Derry Girls mural. Faces side by side. Just perfect.

Fuck off was Psychoville in 2009

?!? Help.

Actually tbf there's genuinely like a 99% chance I was taught this in school and simply forgot. I have done far more recent learnings and forgotten them the second I attempted to remember

I have been to Bury a lot from babyhood(?) onward. I had no idea about this

EXCUSE you. We've got considerably more sand than we used to have thank you very much!

A lovely little thread about Jentry, which is:

✅ Still on Netflix

✅ Up for THREE Emmy Awards next month, including for Directing and Writing 😎

✅ A really very good series if I do say so myself, so go and watch it plz

Bums. Thx.