Million dollar idea:

A Pez dispenser, but for Pringles

🎵 I’d like to teach the world to use turn signals 🎵

Back corner of a truck

Close up of truck part with two bolts looking like eyes and a rusted straight line that looks like the mouth of someone who is bored with a smoke hanging out of it

Stuck in traffic behind this guy. He gets it.

This is Lucky, the River Side Casino's casino chatbot, telling you that I/we will never block you for not liking AI. I/we will always be with you. You will always be a part of me/us.

If you believe you may not always be making the worst decision possible, hmu. Big Fuckup Industries delivers high-quality anti-advice at a reasonable rate.

Can’t Totally Shit the Bed? Call Big Fuckup Industries instead!

if we’re being honest i feel like the man in the yellow hat just expects too much from a monkey

judge: the jury finds the defendants GUILTY as charged

bunch of crows: what

Cat: Sometimes you chase the red dot, and sometimes *puts eye to scope on sniper rifle* the red dot chases you

Landlord: You're not getting your deposit back
Me [petting one of my penguins]: Why

*speaking to my daughter’s class on career day*
interesting fact they probably won’t teach you in school, sharks can smell a drop of drakkar noir from 3,000 miles away. anyway, our sun is slowly dying & most of us will never know peace in our lifetimes.

me: so it pretty much sucks shit over there too huh?

ghost: yeah different way though

what do we want?

OBJECT PERMANENCE

when do we want it?

WHEN DO WE WANT WHAT

All directions.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I love when things are alive and thriving, but I find such comfort in them when they are decaying and dying

A great magician could be living in your house and you’d never know

This would explain a whole bunch of things.

Blocking isn’t enough. I hope their children never learn how to read

F’ing song had me checking my smoke detectors.

It wasn't the baja blast that killed us, it was the baja radiation

Charlie Kirk memorial pez dispenser would go hard

A lot of people are saying that RFK Jr is a eugenicist, including RFK Jr

I'm sorry, but laughter is the only thing preventing me from giving up entirely so I'm relying heavily on y'all and how ludicrously long my toes are.

Dunk shark tank!!!

shark tank: stupid idea for a show. my much better idea for a show featuring rich assholes is "Dunk Tank"

Yeah, he’s shitting his pants. That’s all I meant junedoe.

Dude with a tiny little arm. You can still peel back the ‘skin’.

So disappointed.

you have been judged by the high council of snack-wanters and been found lacking

AOC talking to RFK Jr. Her facial and hand gesture has the spiritual energy of that Italian hand gesture where you pinch your fingers and wave your hand (the "ma che vuo" gesture).

how it feels to say "sprezzatura"