had a one o one with my boss to take some stuff from my plate but i don't feel lighter 🥹

:(

is it possible to feel depressed because you have to work instead of being an artist?!🥹

also crying a lot

dancebreak to get the emotions out \o/

and i wondered if it's rooted in a deep realization that i would never ever be able to work 40hours again in this job

the thing is, im extremly jealous when it comes to wage, like when my coworker get x amount and i think they aren't doing a good job i'm really mad, my expectations are extremly high, which is extremly ugly behaviour

yes, i have to keep in mind that i possibly could destroy my favourite hobby and thats something i need to consider, but thinking about it doesn't hurt right?

wool and yarn saved me in my darkest times perhaps it's time to do something with this passion. like working something where i don't mind putting hours in without thinking about my wage as damage compensation

today, while doing my fav thing - touching wool - i realized, why not do something with the textures and the smell i love most in the world? (okay perhaps second fav smell, puppys are no.1)

really nasty how this one thing affected my whole week

it also helps a LOT that my boss somehow snapped out of his whiny tantrum phase where everyone isn't doing enough???

i also talked about the art school i would have wanted to go back then to my princess which really made me excited about life and that i don't have to stick to the path i'm on right now

also talking about our feelings regularly helps me a lot

we had the best walkie yet, exploring some muddy path 😍

unsure if i actually hate/ despise my job now or if my trauma is speaking

exactly! once i'm over it im really really over it

daily forest walks and crying while eating chocolate is already becoming a new hobby for me

it's always been this way idk if it's the autismn but i cant do things i don't stand behind, things i'm not interested in. it was the same in school and it's the same now.

i'm tired of being let down, i'm tired of getting my hopes up.

my princess got it right, it's more a mourning process of what could have been at this company, what could have been my path but its clearly not working.

looked at art schools last night - does anybody want to be my glucose guardian? 😬

we're back at sharing angry workmemes about quitting and rage 😬

i should propably eat sth too

when you get anxiety because your boss is yelling. whew. thats a first 😳

this!!!!!

✨ yeah, there's a cloud above my head - but hey it's okay - i'm not dead yet ✨

i had my weekday walk with my princess, the forest was lovely and we ate chocolate while it rained slightly 💖

thank you 🩷

i dreamt about studying arts as a child. i wanted to be an author. i thought about paintings and tattoos, about fibre arts and wall hangings. i need to try things and find own way.