spoiler: he wasn’t!

we invited a very woke colleague (who reports to me) to pub trivia and one of the questions was “which S is the currency of israel” and someone muttered “shotgun shells” and the whole room had a chortle and i just know that’s going to be my whole day today

do you stream anything on youtube i love watching cities skylines youtubers

a certain baby idiot has had a bad day and he will not let me out of his sight

is the instagram algorithm getting more racist or is it just listening to me saying racist things all the time

my gym routine needs to change, i need honkers of my own

there’s no way my cat still remembers me

and look where it’s gotten me thus far

mmmm

i need my best interests directed and managed by a third party i think

save me $37 room service cilbir

my words only reflect the truth as I experience it — are you calling me a liar?

after a beautiful evening rolling around with an old flame it’s important now to remember it’s a blessing that feelings pass, that past lovers aren’t mourned but are memories, and that we might hold tightly the doorknob of a closed self lest it dare open to one’s own detriment

now when i tell you i just been motorboating the fattest hairiest set a rugby player tits holy mother of god 😵‍💫🤤

submitting a kingsley’s receipt through my work’s meal reimbursement portal is… a triumphal high point in my working career 🫡🥲

hateful spirit can’t even appreciate the depth and wonder of the world north of dynan road, can’t even enjoy the wind and the sun kissing your face atop the south gundagai lookout

i think wodonga is sweet

i’m talking about god’s south wales

how it feels driving in a 10% speeding state

congratulations to me, a person who is Hot in Albury

i am IN PAIN without my son, seen here fallen behind the couch cushion while clambering for his sparkle-octopus

I got too used to being able to see what the astronauts were doing up in space at all times, they should put cameras in their houses

don’t! stencil! on the travertine! animals. maybe this war is righteous?

What's good for the goose is a big kiss and probably a hug

you chose books, i chose looks

we’ve been texting all morning!

taking a few days off work means being unable to use work to stuff the drainpipe of loneliness as hard as you can and then you’re alone in a hotel room or on long drives and it’s just bursting up and nothing you can do is enough to hold back the pressure and it’s getting everywhere!!!!

deliberately didn’t buy cat food this week in case the kennel accidentally kills him

Feeling unknown and you're all alone
Flesh and bone by the telephone
Lift up the receiver, I'll make you a believer