See also: "knurd".

Brexit has failed due to the Brits who sold it as an idea, the Brits who voted for it, the Brits who negotiated it, the Brits who implemented it and because it was a really shit idea brought about by hatred. It’s not due to remainers, the EU, COVID or Ukraine. Own it.

Weapons of Mass Deception …

Oook!

"SAUSAAAAAGE!!!"

Thanks for all the love today, means a lot to us. We don't do Patreon & our plans for a book fell apart, so if you want to support us then please keep liking, commenting and sharing - recommend us to your friends. Oh, and if you run a podcast that might like our brand of silliness then get in touch!

Didn't know Homer also wrote promotional material. He did one for a famous ground coffee brand: the illy ad.

As it's "Thank You for Libraries Day", here's Partick Library in 1926.

"The library is the key. That is where the escape tunnel is. All of the knowledge in the world is there. The great brains of the world are at your fingertips." - Billy Connolly

#thankyouforlibrariesday

#ASongOrMovieForSynonymsForBig (Won't You Take Me To) Chunky Town

aka "Frontispiece For a Blank Notebook"?

Index of Poems I Shall Never Write (Don’t Tell Me About) Your Brand New Podcast p. 42 At the Alphabetti Spaghetti World Championship Final p. 32 Bad Hare Day p. 40 Easy Peelers are Not the Only Fruit p. 52 I’m in Love with the Woman in the Green Cardigan in the BBC Question Time Audience p. 58 Kim Kardiganashian p. 45 Life Hacked p. 60 Linked In, Dropped Out p. 27 Mister Krankie Meets the Clambake King p. 14 Nocturnal Blossoms: Petals of the Moon p. 18 On Sleeping in a Dudley Travelodge p. 68 On Waking in a Dudley Travelodge p. 3 Poem for Silt Awareness Day p. 6 She Never Did Care for Hollyhocks p. 23 Shit! It’s Jeremy Clarkson! p. 1 Sixty-Four Failed Attempts to Guess a Wi-Fi Password p. 64 Taking Cocaine with Wendy Cope p. 9 Ten Unexpected Items to Find in a Bagging Area p. 50 The Last But One Will and Testament of Brian Horatio Bilston p. 55 Third Wordle War p. 47 Untitled p. 21 What We Currently Know and Don’t Know about Gnomes p. 31 Whither the linnet? p. 10 Yes, I Know It’s Called ‘Petrichor’ p. 34 Your Spatula p. 37 Brian Bilston

Today’s poem is called ‘Index of Poems I Shall Never Write’.

On his head, of course!

Wibble!

Get fucked on the 7th of May

Get fucked on the 7th of May...

Thatcher, Major, Blair, Brown, Cameron, May, Johnson, Truss, Sunak, Starmer.
I'd genuinely be better. #VoteBinface

Unimprovable headline

From the latest Private Eye, out now.

I do not want to create an account or open a subscription I just want to buy a thing and never hear from you again why is this so hard.

Yes, all War Crimes, and atrocities. Russian, Saudi, Qatari, Iranian, Israeli, US; Islamist Terrorist Groups. All of them. All the war criminals.

It’s so important to know your bollard history.
#WorldBollardAssociaton

517 years and nothing has changed.

Scotland Women are top of their Football World Cup qualifying group after four games, with no defeats. Very respectable.

England fans facing hugely inflated prices to get to New Jersey's MetLife Stadium for World Cup games The cost of getting the train from New York to the venue, where the Three Lions play Panama in their final group game, will be £111 - nearly 12 times the usual fare.

Dear fellow Brits, from this Brit-American:

Please don't come here. It's dangerous. You may be targeted, arrested and unlawfully detained - likely courtesy of ICE - without access to legal representation.

I've told my family to stay away.

Please boycott America. 🇬🇧💙

news.sky.com/story/englan...

Somewhere in an infinite universe …

#ReplaceAMemberWithTheSameSurname

Wings, but with Cleo Laine

Somewhere in an infinite universe …

#ReplaceAMemberWithTheSameSurname

Frankie Goes To Hollywood, but with Boris Johnson

Somewhere in an infinite universe …

#ReplaceAMemberWithTheSameSurname

Pulp, but with Joe Cocker

Somewhere in an infinite universe …

#ReplaceAMemberWithTheSameSurname

Pink Floyd, but with Elsie and Doris Waters

[One for the (hundred-and-)teenagers, there!]

Somewhere in an infinite universe …

#ReplaceAMemberWithTheSameSurname

The Beatles, but with Freddie Starr

Somewhere in an infinite universe …

#ReplaceAMemberWithTheSameSurname

The Smiths, but with Neil Morrissey

FYI @ceefaux.bsky.social

If you live in Slough
Or some other borough
By a lough,
You may discover that it's tough
To find a rhyme that works the way it looks, although
You experience many a cough
Or hiccough

Number crunching: Iran war

From the new Private Eye, out now.