New book project, A Theory of Orthography, on linguistics and cultural theory. Orthography as an art. Orthographic function, operations, authority. Focus on selected languages. If you know any publisher in West London who might be interested, please let us know.
Ingland to mee is my oen tung,
And hwot Y did hwen I wos yung.
If nau, too áliens in New York,
We meet, Elizabeth, and toak
Ov frends hoo sùfer in the torn
Oeld Europ hwer we boeth wer born,
Hwot this refúts or that conférms,
Y can but think ov awr toak in terms
Ov imagges that Y hav seen.
Auden
And the preests
sacrifeyst the cawvs
at thee aultar
ov the marshmaloe
eeters.
Oal that wos left
wos blud
around the hamer
ov Tor. The certanty
abaut new thinns
to cum
at doan, at doan.
The survívors wer louking for rescu. Sum thoat the ship had sunk, udders sed it wos the mushrooms. But the gods wer enrággd and coudn be placáted. And the survívors felt uterly mìserabel in thear wet soks.
The Preests hav joind the werd serch! Free mushrooms for the winers!
And we shal spred the news, the lor and the krònikel unto the relms and lordships ov Wülferhampton!
Thae shoud hav menciond the moest nóbel Preests ov thee Oek Groev, amung the ferst hoo joind the fyt agenst Devilspel, at the bihest ov Laedy Matilda ov Utrecht, Mudder ov the Bloo Bouk.
Meenwyl, the gangs march throo Lundon after capturing the hoely flag ov St. Georgg. The Preests ov thee Oek Groev hav kerst them, and the Nyts ov the Bloo Bouk ar cuming for them. At doan, the flag ov the land shal be snacht awae from ther wiked hands. And thae wil trembel at the syt ov the Nyts.
And the preests perfórmd the hoely gaeming festival. The mushroom drinkers sat in a cerkel, and thee òrakels plaed Mario and Castlevania in the moonlit Oek Groev. Thus hav thae dun sins the stoen aegg.
Is it oenly thee Oek Groev thats feeling it, or ar we geting the ferst syns ov autum ryt in the midel ov August? Lawst nyt, the cheef preest had to cloez his windoes, thats hau chily thee air cuming in wos. Louk aut for the ferst hints ov morning mist, yee erthlinns, maebe as erly as next week!
Hwy is the ryt obsèst widd freedom ov speech?
To misrepresènt it as a lícens for haet speech.
And hwot is thear interest in haet speech?
To get citisens bisy haeting eech udder.
Lest enywun awsk hwy the rich ar not taxt.
Hwots the problem widd louking midel-ággd? He can join the Nythoud ov the Bloo Bouk!
Hwen thae sae “weer oal in this togedder,” thae meen ew bael aut them, not thee udder wae around. Hwen ew sink, ew draun.
Hwen thae sink, thae bild a goelden yot from yor taxes and naem it “The Free Market”. Werds ov Hedwynne
The richest 1% hav mor muny than thae coud spend in a hundred lyftyms. So thae spend it convìncing us that shearing woud sumhau maek us pur. Thae doent feer poverty. Thae feer equolity.
King Arthur didn dy. He emérggd tryùmfant from Mons Badonicus. Thus spoek Hedwiynne, Nyt ov the Bloo Bouk.
Weev nœn oal along.
Thæ tœld us ræsing the minimum wægg woud destróy thee ekònomy. Then thæ gæv themselvs ræses in the milions and coald it incèntiv. Its strængg hau thee ekònomy œnly colàpses hwen its awr tern to eet. (Bouk ov Hedwynne, IV, 3-18)
Sum pépel wont to tax the rich. Udders wont to eet the rich. Y say: hwy not boeth? Séson to taest.
If werkers stopt werking, bilionairs woud starv. If bilionairs dissapeerd, werkers woud hav lunch.
(Bouk ov Hedwynne, III, 4-27)
Thee udder wershipers foloed the next dae, awfter the maggik pócion had been drunk. The Preests sacrifyst the pink cats to thee ánggels ov blud. And hwen darkness fel oever the Oek Groev, the raen ternd bloo and thee incantácions wer spoeken.
Hwear be the mushroom eeting cats? Do thae waet widd the färys behynd the tree awfter dark? Hwot if the sun dusn ryz agen? Cum to thee Oek Groev, ye preests, the tym for the sécret sacrifys aproeches.
To the mushroom eeters: Bee it noen that the moest vènerabel Nythoud ov the Bloo Bouk is órganysing the ferst serch party for the Bloo Bouk in mor than 200 yers.
Hels Hospitality Guyd: Welcum to Helheim! Pleez enjoy awr endless grey fog, lookworm despair and complimentary emócional numness. We regrèt to infórm ew thers noe Wy-Fy. Hawever, we doo hav a gift shop. It oenly sels sílens, in värios jars.
Lokis Miror: Loki loukt into a miror and soa evrywun he had ever pretènded to be. He syd, terned into a chair and declaird he wos emócionaly unaválabel. The miror is nau in thèrapy. Weekly sessions. Very expènsiv. Cùverd by trikster insurans.
The Nornss FAQ:
Q: Can Y chaengg my faet?
A: Oenly if yoor wiling to barter widd wun sok, too ridels and a goos that noes yor troo naem.
Q: Hwot hapens if Y miss my faet apointment?
A: We reshèduel ew as a mínor bakgraund kàrakter in a sàga abaut cheez and regrèt.
Tors Díet Plan: Tor went kéto wuns. Aet nuthing but goets and thunder. Lost 2 paunds ov dignity and gaend 7 new enemys. Mjölnir wos unimprest and suggèsted thèrapy. Tor hit it widd itself.
Odins Loyalty Card: For evry y ew sacrifys, ew get wun free vision ov thee univers. Terms and condicions apléy:
– Nœ refùnds
– Visions mæ inclúd unsolicited wizdom, runik ridels or yor œn screeming fæs reflècted in a pool of meed
– Valid at partìcipæting rævens œnly
Bifröst Mántenans Repórt: Bifröst, the raenboe brigg, has been parcialy cloezd for divín repairs. Heimdall blaems "kosmik wear and tear." Loki claems its bicoz sumwun treyd to skaetbord acròss it during Mercury rètrograed. Èstimaeted réópening: hwenever the gods agré on sumthing. Soe, never.
Fenrirs Job Intervu: Thae awskt Fenrir hwear he soa himself in fyv yers. He sed, “Swolowing the sun, obviosly.” HR smyld oakwordly and oferd him a part-tym roel in Customer Anihilácion. Benefits inclúded dental, eternal chaens, and wun weekly haul into the void.
Norns and the Sheduling Problem: The Norns weev faet, but thae tripel-boukt my destiny. At 3pm Y wos ment to meet my soelmaet, stub my toe and bicum a mínor deïty. Du to deláys, Y just spild cofy and creyd in a supermarket. Erd shrugd. “Its oal conècted.”
Powerful! Did ew compóz this? Congratulácions!
Heimdals Dilèma: Heimdal sees oal, heers oal and gards the raenboe brigg. Yet he canot unsee the móment Y treyd to mícro-waev suep in a foil boel. He has peticiond the Norns to eraez it. The Norns declínd, cíting “narativ consistensy.”