NYTimes Pitchbot just… giving up on the satire, I see

Media environments and personalities -- especially of the right-wing variety -- being what they have been for the past couple decades, it's not just possible but likely that The Onion now owns the rights to Alex Jones' name and/or likeness.

Star Trek The Animated Series scene. Ok, so it's a cartoon, obvs, and it's a shot of a non-Starfleet ship bridge. There's 2 guys-- they're alients--but tough guy looking muscle bro aliens. They're wearing green and also their skin is a different shade of green, with superhero/comic book outfits on and eye masks and helmets. (Also green!!) Backup guy is standing up arms crossed looking kind of bored? And the main guy, I assume a captain probably, is sitting in the main center chair looking intense and the closed caption reads, "What would these drugs be worth to you"

So... fairly typical Christians, then?

Can't wait for the inevitable Tim Onion sues Alex Jones for using their IP on a flyer or an email or something

Apologize to George Lucas for every bad thing you said about the prequels, and apologize *right now*.

Today I turn 89. I’ve seen this country at its best and its worst, and I know how much community matters. For my birthday, I’m asking you to stand with PFLAG and support the work that’s helped so many in the LGBTQ+ community, including me. give.pflag.org/page/95493/d...

Taps the "Republican voters did this to us deliberately, and you should be MUCH angrier about it" sign.

A clip from The New York Times reads: "But only the entities that officially paid the tariffs are eligible to recover that money. That means that the fuller universe of people affected by Mr. Trump’s policies — including millions of Americans who paid higher prices for the products they bought — are not able to apply for direct relief. The extent to which consumers realize any gain hinges on whether businesses share the proceeds, something that few have publicly committed to do. Some have started to band together in class-action lawsuits in the hopes of receiving a payout."

The average American family paid $1,700 in tariffs last year, according to the bipartisan Congressional Joint Economic Committee. Few will ever see any of that money back. The refunds will go to companies, if doled out at all. What a joke.

It me

"Obama needed to appear with Mamdani."

"Obama is sane-washing Mamdani."

"Mamdani is more popular than Obama."

"Obama is more popular than Mamdani."

You're all fucking weirdos for saying these things. Just enjoy the cute clips of them in a kindergarten class and shut the fuck up.

OMAR COMIN'

... no thank you.

At Long Last, InfoWars Is Ours By Bryce P. Tetraeder, CEO, Global Tetrahedron

We have a deal. theonion.com/at-long-last...

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars.

We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director.

Please stand by for more.

*Rick James voice* "DISCOVERYYYYYYY!"

at least back in the USSR the government had the decency to stealthily plant listening devices in your walls. now i gotta purchase my own device?

It’s the reason we don’t have universal healthcare imo. Some white folks would rather die than see Black people get anything at all

Star Trek The Original Series scene. We're in a CORRIDOR! A room door is open, and we see two crewmen spilling out into the hallway in red and blue uniforms. They are otherwise indecipherable tho because they are entirely enveloped in a big cloud of smoke. It's pouring out all around them and into the hallway area, like there's a Phish concert in there. Closed caption reads, "[COUGHING]"

The heart of Fuentes’s message was that young men in the United States have gotten a rotten deal. In his telling, a nation of entitled baby boomers, like those leading the Republican Party, had poisoned American society with bad jobs, unbearable women and a racially diverse population intent on depriving White people of what they’re owed

Maybe the Republican Party can’t deal with its Nick Fuentes problem because this message is more or less the same as theirs so the criticism comes off as disingenuous www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2...

When Kasubienski’s son started watching Fuentes in 2017, he remembers feeling like the streamer was a kindred spirit.
Living in Ohio on full-time disability, Ryan, now 36, spent so many hours at home immersed in the streamer’s show that he said he began thinking of Fuentes as a little brother. Where Ryan felt nervous, Fuentes seemed self-assured, and over time he began to believe the streamer was one of the only people being honest about the changes in the United States that everyone pretended they didn’t see.

Two things Nazis love, historically: 1. Poles 2. People with disabilities

Best Captain Hook ever

“Take the number of vehicles in the field, 'A', multiply by the probable rate of failure, 'B', multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, 'C'. A x B x C = X. If 'X' is less than the cost of a recall…

“…we don't do one."

lol I will literally never knowingly give Target a dime again.

On this Superman Day, I will reiterate what I believe is a core truth of the DC universe: bsky.app/profile/cher...

It's SUPERMAN DAY, and the one time I got to edit Kal-El was when Superman guest-starred in BATMAN: SHADOW OF THE BAT #92 from DC.

27 years later, the image of an immigrant superhero who came to America and stood for truth and justice being assaulted by militant vigilantes is bullseye-accurate.

That's Not What Unc Means You’d never know the meaning of unc or its origins in black culture if you looked to mainstream media.

wrote about unc, and the way that the internet works as an accelerator of cultural appropriation aftermath.site/unc-aave-afr...

Since he** only mentions the Strait of Hormuz to manipulate the stock market, I get how it would seem that way.

**whoever has posting access to Trump’s twitter account