I don’t get the happy birthday wishes to people who are dead. Whaddya mean “happy 80’th!?” They’ve been dead for 8 years??

This is single handedly the funniest scene from any Star Trek

I came up with a foolproof plan to save money, I’m just never gonna need medical care of any kind ever again. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that before but it seems so obvious now.

*intense movie trailer voice* “Coming this summer: Polykill - murder loves company”

Hey gang, sorry I’ve been busy, just coming in to check on how everyone’s doing. Need anything?

say what you will about a society in decline, but things are better than they will be next year!!!

:)

None of this is real. Go talk a walk, maybe hug someone if you can.

when i am elected President, i promise to start screaming, one-sided fights with the Pope much more often, but for very different reasons

Being nothing isn’t so bad. I really feel sorry for those people who are something. Poor bastards.

I've never had a Mint Julip, but I'm not a Southern Dandy.

Is anyone happy? Does anyone want this? Just checking.

Don’t worry—it won’t always be like this. It will get a lot worse.

Movies used to have Karen Allen in em.

actual nytimes headline FEMA Official Says He Teleported to Waffle House. Experts Are Dubious.

you, a naive fool: i do believe there are some things the nytimes won’t both sides

the nytimes:

Pilgrim I literally never read a prologue on principle alone. If it's that important, it should be in the book.

Doyle789 I agree completely. The epilogues and prologues aren't part of the story. If they were important they would be part of the story. People write forwards for books, that's just another person writing about what they thought about the book or author... I assume that's what author is doing in the prologue and epilogues

Erin I agree. I feel like it's stuff that wasn't good enough to be in the book 20h Reply 100

dude epilogues and prolouges to me are equivalent to dvd bonus features and are therefore skippable unless you're really into it 8h Reply • 255

I do not take booktok seriously and I never will. What the fuck you mean the epilogue and prologue “aren’t part of the book/story”???????

No more ___ospheres. We’ve got enough, thanks.

looks like killing Red Lobster is back on the menu, boys

The welding mask stays on during sex

Iran just reportedly hit an Oracle data center in Dubai and i can't stop thinking about how good it would feel to see my tax dollars spent firing Tomahawk cruise missiles at data centers.

Hell-in-a-handbasket? What about hell in a rip off Gucci bag being held by someone with Mara Lago face?

Just like earth. Shit and salt it all. Horrible Manifest Destiny on an interstellar scale.

The negatives of the Internet and subsequent social media have been more disastrous than future historians (if there’re are any) could ever truly grasp

Gonna jerk off in defiance of gods laws and everyone at this bus stop

I think the restaurant experiment known as the “bread bowl” can stop now. Thanks everyone, but it’s over.

Story from dexerto: Seven dogs stolen from their owners have gone viral after escaping their captors and making their way home The group is believed to have travelled around 17 km together led by a corgi across highways and fields

This is literally the only thing i have the bandwidth to read about today

The existence of gut flora suggests there are also gut fauna

seems to be confirmation that we did in fact hit a school

I took a prolonged break from social media and I’m glad I did otherwise I’d be even more unhinged, good luck everyone else

Bitch it’s already over $4 a gallon where I’m at

wife chasing me around the kitchen table with a rolling pin because she found me in the epstein files being a Mossad Operative