DR. STOP Come, Phil. Who are you to hinder What’s Coming? PHIL I just don’t want my bones sliced!

DR. STOP I did it to my partner Mr. Shop - and he’s Good as Rain! PHIL Prove it.

Freakish looking man MR. SHOP “I’m feelin’ fine!”

Actually this looks fine

DR. STOP Humanity will soon evolve beyond the need for Grocery Stores. PHIL Really?

DR. STOP The signs have been Revealed to me. PHIL Ok.

DR. STOP Phil - there is something in you that Reveals the Shape of Things to Come. PHIL I didn’t do anything.

this is the Shape of Things to Come

DR. STOP I brought you here because I need a non-traditional thinker. PHIL That’s me, Dr. Stop!

DR. STOP Did you know that the End is Near, Phil? PHIL That sounds a little too political to me.

DR. STOP I need to position Stop & Shop for What’s Coming. PHIL Neat.

no politics please

DR. STOP I’ve been watching your career with great interest. PHIL But I just started last week.

DR. STOP There’s great promise in your poise and countenance. PHIL Thank you, Dr. Stop.

DR. STOP Here, have a brandy. I do know how you enjoy your…vices. PHIL I didn’t do anything.

Phil has no vices, he didn't do anything.

DR. STOP Hello, Phil. I trust your trip was uneventful. PHIL I didn’t do anything.

DR. STOP Do you know who I am? PHIL I don’t know anything.

DR. STOP I am Dr. Stop. Co-owner of Stop & Shop. PHIL Oh, cool.

Dr. Stop needs to stop implying he did anything

PHIL Where are you taking me? DRIVER Quincy, MA - Stop & Shop Corporate HQ.

PHIL Why? I didn’t do anything. DRIVER I’m just a driver, sir. I don’t care what you did.

PHIL I didn’t do anything. DRIVER I don’t care.

he didn't DO anything

phil is talking to his representation now

RAY Thanks for taking the time to meet me, Phil. PHIL I didn’t do anything.

RAY I’ve received a very curious request from corporate. PHIL How would they know what I did or didn’t do?

RAY There’s a car waiting for you outside. PHIL I can’t believe you think I did something, because I didn’t.

Phil didn't do ANYTHING

COWORKER Phil, Ray wants you in his office. PHIL I didn’t do anything.

COWORKER I don’t think you’re in trouble. PHIL Good, because I didn’t do anything.

COWORKER Ray said to come right away. PHIL It’s crazy to think I did anything wrong.

Phil didn't do anything

The story "Dr. Stop" starts here. Updates Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and otherwise if I'm running behind!

PHIL Great news! I just got the text - the restaurant is open! ANDY But the Second City Mainstage show is about to begin!

PHIL The Weber Grill Restaurant is the only entertainment you need! ANDY But Tina Fey started there!

PHIL Fuck Tina Fey and fuck the Second City Mainstage show!

phil... you could be seeing tomorrow's stars!!!

ANDY Phil, you’ve made a fool of yourself. PHIL (angry) You don’t get it, Andy-

ANDY No, you don’t get it! Nothing happens in Cranston, RI! This city has it all and you’re blind to it!

ANDY There are a million more important things in Chicago than some Weber crap! PHIL (grumpy) You’ll eat those words when you eat at the Weber Grill Restaurant.

Andy doesn't get it

ANDY Wow! The Field Museum was great! PHIL (unhappy) It’s just a bunch of dusty old bones.

ANDY Wait - is the Art Institute right down the street? PHIL I don’t want to see a bunch of dusty old drawings.

ANDY Why can’t you enjoy yourself, Phil? PHIL (angry) It’s not fair! It’s supposed to be open! And it’s not!!

not fair

PHIL (sad) Terrible news - the Weber Grill Restaurant is still closed for a private event! ANDY (wearing Cubs jersey) That’s okay! We can go see Sue the T-Rex!

PHIL (unhappy) The only thing worth seeing in Chicago is the Weber Grill Restaurant. ANDY C’monn - you used to love dinosaurs when you were a kid!

PHIL I’m an Adult and I like Adult things - like the Weber Grill Restaurant.

adults only

phil wants a steak

ANDY (binoculars) A foul ball is heading our way! PHIL (grumpy) I wish a plate of Grilled Steak Skewers was heading our way…

ANDY (catching ball) FWAP! I’ll treasure this memory forever! PHIL I guess you treasure a bunch of crap.

ANDY I want you to have this ball, my brother. PHIL The kids have already put enough crap in my house.

who cares about baseball

ANDY I got something to cheer you up! PHIL (Excited face) Is the Weber Grill Restaurant open??

ANDY (holding up iPhone w/ tickets) Even better! I got us tickets to the Cubs game! PHIL (grumpy) There’s no Weber at Wrigley…

ANDY They’re playing the Cardinals! It’s a Hot ticket! PHIL I want a hot steak grilled to perfection by Chef Matt McCormick.

cardinals at the conclave, chicago is for steaks

ANDY Wow! This is “The Bean!” PHIL (unhappy) Whatever.

ANDY You know I heard it’s actually called “Cloud Gate.” PHIL It’s not as good as Charcoal Chili Chicken Wings…

ANDY Sculptor Anish Kapoor worked on this for two years! PHIL They marinate the Charcoal Chili Chicken Wings for two nights…

not even close

PHIL The door seems to be stuck! ANDY (squinting, pointing, reading) This explains it: “Closed for Private Event.”

PHIL No. No! It’s supposed to be open at 11:30am! ANDY (Turning to face Phil) That’s okay! There’s plenty of Chicago to see!

PHIL This is all there is to see in Chicago. ANDY What about “The Bean?”

the bean isn't even close

PHIL Welcome to the best restaurant on Earth - the Weber Grill Restaurant! ANDY Oh…ok!

PHIL Head Chef Matt McCormick will deliver us a culinary experience like no other. ANDY Alright.

PHIL It’s all of the excitement of a Weber Grill, but in a Restaurant! ANDY (squinting, pointing, reading) What is this strange note on the door…?

this is going to blow andy's mind

ANDY Hey Phil! PHIL Hey Andy! How’s the Chicago Marriott Downtown Magnificent Mile?

ANDY It’s good, but I’m not here for the hotel. I’m here for Chicago! PHIL Don’t worry - I’ve got something special “cooking!”

ANDY Are we going to meet Benny the Bull? PHIL I’ve got something even better “cooking!”

he's got something better "cooking"

PHIL (in bed with wife) I can’t wait to show Andy the sights! SHEILA Let me guess - the Weber Grill Restaurant?

PHIL Nothing else in Chicago compares. SHEILA Remember our anniversary dinner there?

PHIL How could I forget? All of the excitement of a Weber Grill, but in a Restaurant! SHEILA And what a restaurant!

a trip to chicago isn't a trip to chicago without weber!!!

ANDY This time tomorrow I’ll be in the Windy City! PHIL Don’t worry, Andy- I’ll give you a "Locals Tour.”

ANDY I want to see the Sears Tower, the Bean, the Bulls… PHIL That’s for tourists. You’re with a “Local.”

ANDY I’m excited for whatever you cook up! PHIL That’s right…“cook up…”

the chicago bean is for tourists... phil is a local

PHIL That was just my brother on the line! SHEILA How is Andy?

PHIL He’s great! In fact, work is sending him out to Chicago! SHEILA It’ll be nice for you two to catch up!

PHIL I’ll show him a real town - not like Cranston, RI! SHEILA Be careful - he might not be ready for a city like Chicago!

Chicago offers more from forest to shore

The story "The Weber Grill Restaurant" starts here. Updates Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and otherwise if I'm running behind!

Phil is sad and says "The end..?" in front of his bird book which only has 20 birds, and the rest are ?'s

new story later today!

MAUREEN stands with PHIL and GRAYSON MAUREEN The votes are in and the winner is Grayson.

MAUREEN Do you have a concession speech, Phil? PHIL Yes. You’ve all made a terrible mistake. You will regret it for the rest of your lives.

MAUREEN Do you have a victory speech, Grayson? GRAYSON Yes. I’ve seen 30 birds.

democracy in "action"

idk he's... you know

It’s times like this that call for the stable and unwavering stewardship that Billy could provide

PHIL (sweaty) Joey! I hope I can count on your vote tomorrow. JOEY I love you Phil, but Grayson’s got the edge. He’s seen 30 birds!

PHIL (sweaty) Breaking news!! I’ve just seen 40 birds! JOEY Yea, right. I’ve seen your Bird Book. You’re stuck at 20.

PHIL SO WHAT!? If Grayson can make up 30, I can make up 40! JOEY Grayson’s telling the truth and you’re just another lying politician.

et tu joey?