Depression downswing is relentless and I want to die but I must put on my normal face and pretend to be ok for the sake of my friends and everything we’ve put together this month

Even if my stats across the board have dropped a lot we’ve worked really hard and I can’t let them down

Oh my god I am gangle

List of goals in no particular order:

-finish all my work
-makeout with someone
-get hit by a truck

it's crazy how much praise works on me
the things i would do to be called a good girl...

a girl in a cape is standing in front of a city at night ALT: a girl in a cape is standing in front of a city at night

its 420 and i don't have any weed what's even the point bro

Yeah I’ve done both in the past, as well as been medicated, but it’s been a while

I’ve been thinking about starting again for sure

I appreciate that silver, thanks ;u;

It feels like everything in my life is going wrong and I’m stuck in quicksand that is slowly consuming me day by day and I can’t pull myself out of it

But I just need to

I need to

I have to get over it

I have to work harder

I have to make it out

And because I live alone it just lingers with me all day, infesting my brain

It makes it so hard to stream because I’m in this terrified and depressed brain fog state that I can’t shake

The nightmare/insomnia/depression combo might be the most debilitating thing to ever exist and I’m sick of it

The past few months I’ve been having nonstop nightmares.. like multiple a night… I wake up so panicked and crying and it’s really fucking me up

Idk what to do about it.. is it because I’m incredibly stressed about 100 different things rn? I can’t fix that..

my partner being so patient and sweet with me and still wanting to spend time with me while I’m in borderline nonverbal depression mode is so comforting..

even if I can’t say much or put on a happy face it’s really nice to know I’m still loved and accepted in those moments 🥺💕 I feel so lucky

Cleaned my desk while watching gay vampires

I’m normal again

feeling crazy and kind of self destructive and kind of like i wanna die but we're suffocating those voices by having 3 forms of media playing at once and keeping ourselves busy by cleaning and working and getting a little blitzed so its ok! if i keep myself moving the horrors can't get me!

Angewomon ;(2024) was also a fun time because, honestly, not having to worry about face consistency is nice sometimes 🫠

stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop being depressed just grow the fuck up and lock in u don’t have time to be depressed u have to work harder u have to do more u fucking idiot what the fuck is wrong with you ur wasting time u stupid piece of shit just fucking stop ur so pathetic

i really can't catch a break

time to curl up and cry all day

Trying so desperately to lock in and not let one of the most insane nightmares I’ve ever had ruin my day

I have a collab today.. I gotta stop crying..

😂😂😤😤 IM HOLDINGGGGG

started rewatching the interview w the vampire series as my background media while i work out recently and it makes me lock in so good LOL

other people have anime battles to fire them up.... i have hot gay sad vampires....

i can be strong... i can wait 5 days to watch witch hat atelier w my partner.... i can hold the line....

dating someone who matches my freak and will go meowmeow mode with me where we just meow at each other for a while is literally my dream come true

i'm so 🥰

GRAHHH I LOVE WEIRD SHIT I LOVE WEIRD SHIT I LOVE WEIRD SHIT I WANNA MAKE WEIRD SHIT !!!!!!!!!!!

Inserts of fake findings, trying to depict an impossible non-Euclidean house, part labyrinth, part living organism

This is the most creatively inspirational piece of media in the universe for me. I want to make games like this. I want to break what it means to be a game. Breathe life into it.

Part of the perfect horror of this book IS the book itself and how it’s constructed.. it feels alive… twisting and distorting, pulling you in as you go deeper

Having to read it 3 different times from different characters POV’s as it breaks every literary convention makes me rock fucking hard dude

I know all of that sounds like word salad but it’s the coolest thing in the universe to me.

Layers upon layers of meta. The book utilizing its unique size, layout, fonts, negative space… it being printed in full colour even tho 99% of it is black and white…

started re-reading my fav book, and when I get to this point I get the biggest rush every time

A footnote with its own footnote, written by fictional editors annotating the notes of a guy publishing a book within a book, collecting the memoirs of another man’s obsession with a fictional documentary

Cooked myself a romantic dinner 😝

(I refuse to throw out the flowers pal got me for valentines 💕 now they’re dead they match my goth vibe ~)

eeeeeeeeeee kicking my feet rolling around 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

nothing like lying awake at 4am unable to sleep because ur being bombarded with horrible flashbacks from ur past

i suppose i will cry for a while

nah bc this marin figure is so gorgeous, i want it so bad...

it's literally like... how i see an ideal version of myself.... she's so me chat....

need it on my shelf so i can look at it and use it as inspo to workout LOL

3am depression shower save me… save me 3am depression shower…