mark david chapman killed john lennon because they have opposite noses

im like a furry but for greebles

i spent a whole shower thinking ab this

i used to get tame impala and arcade fire mixed up, ig bc i learned about them at the same time? anyways heres how i tell them apart
tame impala: one guy, TAME.
arcade fire: so many bandmembers that if an ARCADE caught on FIRE they would DIE in a CRUSH at the only exit

jeff bradges

it never gets less surreal to me that i could absent-mindedly eat a chicken finger and itll fuck me up for a day at least.

i hate when i set an alarm and immediately get the "alarm upcoming" notification. what about relativity

is there a monk barber or something or do they shave each others heads or is that too erotic??????????

its da monk of marcks

when you crumple up a chip bag and it unravels literally fuck you. fuck you

remember when everyone liked zombies and it took actually so long for dense saturation of zombie media to wear out on everyone. why dont we have that kind of endurance anymore

i kind of miss when the world would get obsessed with a Type of Creature and 300000 various forms of media would be released about That Thang

Die and Eat Shit: Reincarnation into a Worm

spencer shay would be so excited to find out about LED lightbulbs

honestly its fucked that humans dont have third eyelids

(exasperated) they're putting zendaya in shrek

"id have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice" <- changed my brain. expresses something ive always needed a way to express. fantastic all around

did u know that you can accidentally drop into a street view of a trail in the woods lined with gnarled and dead trees that get blurrier every time u click and start to feel scared right after waking up at 5am on Google maps?

i walk out of the sleep store with my head in my hands

"this one is buy one get one bellyache"
"i really don't need-"
(beep)

"can i get the uhhh six hours with two interruptions? i have a coupon"
"sorry pal, best we got is Weird Sleep. take it or leave it."

yeah, they call it wariobaiting
whatever increases engagement i guess

I took this photo at the Oregon Coast Aquarium

1977: Will Wright gets a great idea for a video game while watching a family burn to death in their home.

‘The Sims’ Turns 25
theonion.com/the-sims-tur...

in a unresolved goldilocks situation with my pillows right now

bro is on rocks 🧐

my trademark: misplaced justice

... final destination?

spiking my dad's drink with estrogen so he sneezes more quietly

they shouldve called it the switcharoo