No one should look in my crawlspace. I barely knew the Brooklyn Strangler.

You couldn’t have done that before I texted all my exes?

The president is crazy and no one is doing anything. Guess I’ll do my little errands.

Want to watch a British TV show? It either has 4 episodes or 9000 episodes.

The Stent of Hormuz

That’s the same color he’ll be on a coin.

Excursion is hell.

Congrats to Mark Waynemullin!

These guys wanting Jesus to come back is like the dumbest kid in class asking for a pop quiz.

This obviously very stupid but is it also smart? We’ll talk to some liars after this break.

He’s fine.

Closing ceremony looking like the safety video on Alitalia.

All those reporters who report Trump’s “change in tone” get real quiet when it changes back.

These billionaires want to live forever to create larger age gaps and invent some kind of “super-pedophilia”.

Damn, more like petty images.

Rams fans will be psyched when they learn about this win on TikTok in an hour.

Hell is gonna run out of special places.

Yes, mom, I’ve heard of Skechers.

I just won .00000003 cents on Polymarket.

We’re close to finding out if murdering the survivors of your war crime is the third rail of American politics.

Looking at headlines like “President vows to kill everybody” in between searching for the perfect sweater for my brother-in-law.

Strong floor, no ceiling, can’t win!

“This turkey is wet and soft!” -me, trying not to say moist.

Guys, I’ve been taking this new supplement and I gotta say, I feel exactly the same.

This is like a screen-freeze at the end of an 80s comedy. Cue “I Feel Good”.

It would be nice if the president would stop giving my mom reasons to call me.

Dow jumps 400 points after Trump says “I want the Dow to jump 400 points”.

I am ready to fall into savings.

This is like watching the 12th round of a fight that should have been stopped in the 10th.

The Fart Locker