SHAGGY: what did the vet say you have

SCOOBY DOO: rabies

SHAGGY: zoinks i didn’t even know you could get pregnant

Saw a guy at TJ’s with a small green parrot on his shoulder and I had to stop and ask him if he was the Trader himself

This activated my fight or flight

Xi Jinping, fire when ready 🫡

I guess we’ll never know

Thinking about heading to Costco today for a bit, just to stand in peoples’ way

I beckon Grub to unstrap me from the machine

I know who’s buried in the tomb of the unknown soldier.

Wrote myself in for the State Mine Inspector position on this past week’s ballot as a goof & now I gotta show up next Monday ☹️

Receiving a Paul Hollywood handshake after serving a hot Cheeto dusted crab rangoon

Missed the last step walking down the stairs this morning and I think I’m gonna have to be put down like an injured race horse

All bugs that you kill wait for you at the end of the rainbow bridge in heaven

Finishing a can and having to lay down with labored breathing

Feels So Good on repeat today

Ended an argument with “3 days from now, you will begin to cough”

Big fan of places like Chipotle & Cava where you hand them a 20 and they hand back a bowl of delicious mush

Getting tackled outside the Kennedy Center for shouting at Trump that he should “Inspector Javert” himself

Just saw two dudes with mustaches & ponytails folding up an American flag the correct way outside of a Harley Davidson dealership. God bless America

Baloo Sky, am I right? Pass me a pawpaw, Little Britches

Great part of an underrated season! RIP

My go-to at any French barbecue

What about FW May Friday? Ya FW may?

Monster Zero Ultra is a breakfast food, while Monster Zero Guava is a post-meal digestif

No She Hulk in the new Avengers movie

We’re going to the Super Bowl

Need a blockbuster, but for board games

Getting arrested for hanging around the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and telling folks I know who’s in there

I bounce back and forth between Bluesky & Twitter like a cigarette smoker who picked up juul to kick the habit, but now uses both