In every single crisis situation I have had my entire life my extended family has proven over and over and over that I cannot go to them for help so now I'm not fucking coming back for holidays fuck that fuck them they're the most judgemental shitty people and I'm done exposing myself to them

I desperately need to go back now I can feel it in my bones... Fuck

All the fucking endless walking and walking and walking was so I could walk 30 miles to fall in love with a city just in time for me to panic and do something stupid during my chaos time on my period and then more walking as self punishment and now rest before life gets really interesting

Everything that I have learned spiritually from using psychedelics and listening to my wants and needs from deep within has worked out for me and keeps being proven that I should continue to follow my heart and soul because it's what will keep me from repeating this disgusting cycle

I was thinking of giving up talking to my past life like well the ocean isn't a bad place to die at least when I heard "hi" and looked up and then it all made sense and I'm keeping the rest to myself for now

Literally had to have the perfect birthday this year to get me right to where I had to be at the perfect moment even if I was just sobbing 20 minutes prior because I didn't want to be away from my cats and I was scared and hating myself for chasing my souls journey and not understanding why

Meeting a person's soul first is the most insane thing ever I had such a unique experience all around and then us physically meeting was perfect like holy shit this son of a bitch crafted my life like a narrative and of fucking course he did cocky little bastard (I'm talking about my soul)

Have you ever been unable to look too deeply into someones eyes because you knew the second you did you'd never be able to leave them? This is such a different feeling

I know things happened the way they did because they had to, but holy fucking shit how did I not give him my number!?!?!

Couple of confident little shits we are🥹

I am 100% sure about my past life now though... Bastard

I wish I could go in depth about what happened to me a week ago because I swear it was like a narrative, but I can't because I think my accounts are being watched and I'm not safe yet

What the fuck do I do now?

I won't be posting here again so it was nice knowing you all❤️❤️❤️

It makes me feel disgusting but I need to be selfish to do right by my child

I finally found the strength in myself to admit that I'm doing way more damage to my kid by being her parent the way I am and I can't fix the shit that's wrong with me overnight and I cant be her parent...... Not the right way

You bet your ass I smoked a bowl next to the statue of EA Poe

I just almost threw up when I read that I walked 24 miles yesterday alone🤢

Also, it doesn't matter how long I go without psychedelics now that I am feeling better in so many ways I literally feel that tripping euphoria over things that people find mundane and I think it's wild like oh that's just happiness!!!

My ADHD chaos made me get "lost" in the wrong part of the city at the right time and I'm so happy that happened (I had that happen several times actually)(like when I saw the ghost I wanted to be tripping on the beach but instead I was on the Harbor Walk sober minus less than a full bowl of weed)

And you'll be able to understand your deepest desires better and suddenly those perfect moments align because you're finally taking action for yourself (but it's a bitch to get there so don't forget to appreciate the smallest things)

I really can't believe how much hearing someone random play sax live in the park made me break down and cry like a baby like sax makes me cry in general but that was so fucking beautiful and one of those moments that were just perfectly timed

Get healthy (spiritually, mentally, physical)

Highly recommend listening to Sink Into the Floor by Feng Suave

4th Wall is one of my favorite paranormal YouTubers and they will go MONTHS without posting and it's been 9 months since their last post and they posted yesterday ☺️☺️☺️

I'm so hooked on the subtle storyline

They're used to me coming home smelling like a forest

My cats are so pissed at how I smell

I could have wrote this myself!

All I’ve ever wanted in life is to understand. Myself, others, nature, spirituality, the universe, social dynamics, the world at large, etc.

So many people in this world seek the exact opposite, they don’t want to understand anything, especially NOT themselves. I can’t imagine living so shallowly.

Minus Fox's story hers is special

Asagiri-sensei will forever be my most important muse because everything I write exists because of the spark he reignited within me and like.... I think I'd be dead and I'm not being overdramatic

The most important people in my life(like that helped me change and shit)are those who I fell in love with and they'll never know and to me that's what a muse is