Can’t ‘member if this band is called The Braxton Hicks or just Braxton Hicks

Training the new guy at work how to slowly lose the will to live

I have trust issues with the month of March.
March should be forced to pay reparations.

Bahahaha!!

🎯🎯

For 55 yrs I’ve struggled with peeling eggs. But this morning I think I got it!

Less warmongering, more cheese mongering

Bluesky went down for me for over an hour and I had to find other things to do. Long story short,

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!

bsky.app/profile/eric...

Grilled cheese and Olympics?

Being glued to incredible Olympics coverage for the last two weeks has been a welcome reprieve from all the usual bullshit I’m normally glued to.

I have two main types of coworkers: checked out and prickly gatekeepers.

“THROW HER, THROW HER!” my wife screams while watching pairs figure skating with the passion of 80,000 Romans gathered in the Colosseum circa 100 AD

Being an adult is cool because you’re exhausted all the time but you also get the satisfaction of not really accomplishing anything

it’s called a british gentleman’s cane because chapstick was taken

WATCH: Trump, EPA's Zeldin announce end of scientific basis for U.S. action on climate change The Trump administration on Thursday revoked a scientific finding that long has been the central basis for U.S. action to regulate greenhouse gas emissions and fight climate change, the most aggressiv...

Today, the Trump administration repealed the endangerment finding: the ruling that served as the basis for limits on tailpipe emissions and power plant rules. Without it, we’ll be less safe, less healthy and less able to fight climate change—all so the fossil fuel industry can make even more money.

Luge doubles is hands down the coziest Olympic event

putting a rotisserie chicken on each hand and boxing people at costco

A stingray is just a regular ray that tells you not to put on the red light.

Before Mr and Mrs Potatohead tied the knot, they were cohabi-taters.

I rarely forget to log out before I leave the bathroom

Bahahaha!!

Called two gym bros 'swolemates' today so I'm posting this from inside a locker.

I’m obsessed with you??
YOU’RE the one that won’t get out of my head!

I bet it feels so good for the parking lot to be empty after being full all day

My boss can talk for 45 straight minutes without taking a breath.

Stop mansplaining The Silence of the Lambs to me, I dont need a Hannibal lecture.

😂

Got fired from my job as a vet because I told a lady I was ‘hoptimistic’ about her rabbit walking again lol and also because I’m not a qualified vet.

Quiet you. Just let the rich people tell us what to do