After three disastrous attempts at therapy, I've finally learned how to effectively deal with negative thoughts: you bottle 'em up and bury them deep and do your best to pretend they never existed in the first place. #FreeAdvice #CheaperThanTherapy

Anybody know someone who offers concertina lessons? Asking for a frienemy...

I wonder what it's like to walk into a social situation of any kind without feeling intensely out-of-place and then talking way too much as a way to establish some sort of rapport while only looking even weirder because all the air's been sucked out of the room. That must be an amazing experience.

Excellent idea! 🇨🇦🥃

What?! These trees aren't doing their best! They're not even pretending to try!

This sign is a lie. I think the trees in this photo are the only ones I've seen in days. Also, is this how you bluesky? Am I doing it right yet? I have no fucking idea!

If loose lips sink ships, just imagine what loose hips can do. I'd demonstrate, but mine own hips haven't moved in nigh on 20 years.

On the plus side, at least we won’t have to say ‘first world problems’ much longer.

Whew! I was afraid it was a gas leak. Crisis averted!

Is... is *this* how you bluesky? Am I doing it right now? Oh god, I'm so confused! Also, where are my pants? And what's that funny smell?

Is this how you do it? Am I blueskying now? Oh god, what's happening?! I'm so confused!

Don't use your artist friends' sharpies to scratch, even in an emergency. They don't react well to it. I learned this the hard way so that you don't have to. #themoreyouknow

Because I was recently in a similar wrap, but instead of a butterfly, my hand emerged as a hideous, freakish reptile that turned anyone who looked at it into stone.

This is giving me flashbacks.