Howl's Moving Goal Post

i got called anti-queer for saying that pedo/zoo/rape shit had nothing to do with being LGBT and i didnt care about the rape game ban on steam. and i remember you liked that post so maybe they put you on the same list. lmfao.

for what???

thank you for your service

the best i can do is not succumb to full blown agoraphobia. i feel trapped in my own mind. i can't get out. i worry i'll end up trapped in my house, too.

it's a herculean effort just to leave my house and go to work. i can't handle being around anyone. i'm not taking care of myself. the longer i spend alone the harder it is to handle not being alone. i dont want to see a doctor because doctors are people and can hurt you too.

my trust issues have reached such a crescendo that i'm completely unable to believe anyone has any authentic positive intentions towards me. in my world now other people are just bombs waiting to go off. "no good can come of this" on an endless loop every time i try to reach out. i'm debilitated.

i feel like a fucking unsocialized feral animal and not in the whimsical haha furry way in the i think i should be locked up and re-taught how to relate to and connect with people way

turning evil (unmedicated) (remix) (nightcore)

i know because you're a kind person it's hard for you to imagine such cruelty but these people do not view you as human. they want to torture you, to cause you pain and get more ammunition to torture you further every single time you react. they will say anything they think will hurt you. Anything

sawyer these people hate you so much they have openly said they dont care if you live or die. the cruelty is the point, every time you tell them about how much they're hurting you it makes them *happy*, every time you mention an illness they take it as something they can use against you

i might give SSRIs another try and see if the side effect profile is less untenable than it was in my previous adventures with pharmacological psych.

i am just really genuinely glad that the method is inaccessible to me in the moments where i am overcome. like thank fuck for that. i don't actually want to die. my brain just wants to kill me.

i dont know how to explain the feeling. i retain a survival instinct, there are things about life that i enjoy, i think being alive is good. but i regularly find myself seized up with the desire to blow my brains out anyway. in defiance of all my conscious thoughts about why it's good to be alive.

it's just the same old same old

keep those evil things illegal. i would use it on myself if i ever had easy access

i dont mean to alarm anyone but i think the illegality of firearms is the only reason i haven't blown my head off this year

if you told me i died in 2018 and have been in hell ever since i'd believe you. wouldn't even surprise me. but eh. solipsism only offers a temporary relief from the pain of living. your situation remains the same and remains functionally real even if you were in some sort of personal hell matrix

i went outside and feel less like a bitter cave hermit but im still baseline pissed off about the world

today i hate everything and everyone and am mad that i exist at all. let alone that i exist as a social animal that has to actively participate in a world that mostly ends up pissing me off. i never thought i'd grow up so cynical.

she needs a psychiatrist. no bluesky thread or well worded explanation is going to help with this. this is not the behaviour of someone who is just mistaken or misguided. it's pathological stalking. engaging in any way shape or form will always make it worse in a case like this.

you dont need to apologize dear. i just know what it's like. some people are just ill, like pathologically obsessed. you won't be able to talk them around or reason with them bc it's not a rational behaviour. all you can do is not feed them any attention, because that encourages them to escalate.

you're feeding her attention through. every time you acknowledge her it pings a little hit of dopamine and keeps this going. honestly i doubt most of the people who listen to these cokerants even know who she's talking about anymore, her fanfiction about you is so detached from reality.

i can't afford to go get checked out for a while and i'm so afraid that my jawbone might just be rotting unbeknownst to me

idk why you even dignify any of this with a response anymore like sawyer she's never, ever going to stop. if she was going to stop she would have over a year ago. why do you even check what is being said let alone respond to it

i am getting scared that my failure to get that root canal may have let the infection spread to my cheekbone. why does my cheekbone keep hurting so much. why the constant fever. i'm afraid!!

no nicotine at work. why are we still here. just to suffer?

there's an expectation i think that after a year or so and as long as nothing bad is happening anymore you'll just be all better but the nature of post traumatic stress is that it continues even when the stress response is no longer appropriate. it's a long term condition.

i kind of feel like the conversation around PTSD in pop psychology has obscured the long term and disabling quality of it. it's not cute, it's not short term, it doesn't resolve like the end of a feel-good movie. you live with it for years.

that was a really dramatic late night way to describe post traumatic stress disorder.