basically, pregnancy and post partum have been a lonely journey for me. losing friends, regaining some, thinking I have to handle it all on my own to prove something that I shouldn't. I know I wanted this. and also, things get hard. I'm human.

pt.3-so many times I wanted my mom, to help, to be there, for me and for him. who wouldn't want their mom? but she chose not to. but every other day she demands pictures and for me to video call. all for her to say 'is mom making you cry? should I hit her?' while I'm trying to give him gas medicine.

pt.2-always always about the baby. which is fine, mostly. but, in all reality, if I'm okay, then 9/10 the baby will be too. now onto pp. the calls are for the baby still. they only want to see him. im just an easel for which the painting sits upon. when before I was an incubator. -continued-

pt.1-pregnancy and ppd, really shows you who's there. plenty of people always want to know how the baby is. while in utero, they're just there. never any questions for me. no 'how are you feeling, really?' 'can we come visit to help you at all?' 'do you need to talk anything out?' -continued-

I love being a mom.

I have to start giving myself more grace. postpartum is hard, but I'm grateful for it all because my baby boy means literally everything to me. he was the missing puzzle piece that I had been searching for my whole life. I was whole before, but now everything is so much bigger than before.

he tells me to go shower, tells me to get sleep, washes my pumps, feeds me, all without a second thought. I love my husband.

I've dreamed of motherhood my entire life. I dreamed of the sleepless nights, getting pooped and peed on, spit up on, the blood curdling screams, and it's everything I've ever imagined. every time I look at my son, I literally couldn't be happier. he is my greatest accomplishment in my life.

I love our life. my family is complete. ✨🫐🌿

today feels good. it's been a week, which is crazy. it's been the longest week EVER. but, last night of course he was home with us, I told him goodnight. I slept really well for the first time, I even had a really good nap. you really do take it a day at a time.

having him home feels so much better. still miss him so much, still cry almost every night. but now that he's here, I can feel more at peace. don't really understand how it all works, grief is weird and in no way linear. we love you, nugget. 🖤

I miss you so much Zagreus. I'm so sorry.

grief is weird. not linear whatsoever.

35 weeks pregnant+2 year old cat who just got an eye removed due to cancer=hahaha I've gotten zero sleep.

my cat is gonna be a pirate soon. 😓🥲

what if you fell in love online and then it turned out you were getting catfished by dog with a blog

the baby is inside of me now.

I think of you often. #gestationaldiabetes

I dream of waffle house and burgers and mcdonalds french fries and pasta and Chinese food, and SODA.
once this baby is out, I'm gonna eat so much of everything. gestational diabetes has humbled me, however I'm a motha now so I gotta do what's best for the nugget I hold inside rn.

I swear they're so deviant when they want your attention.

space heater turns on=my cats come a'runnin. we love that toasty life.

my son is going to be bornt soon. that's wild.

dude I can post again.

with being pregnant, i really can’t stand anybody anymore. i see why lionesses isolate themselves during that time period.

lol cool. great fucking talk.

i’m convinced facebook is just for racists now. sorry if you have a fb, no i’m not.

i’m so fucking tired of everything.

ice cream on a burger, life changing.

my husband has to be the most perfect creature to walk this planet. i do not know how i got so lucky, but dammit i love him so much. don’t worry about me i’m just hormonal.

ohhhhhohohoho SQUID GAME LETS GOOOOO