How many times do I have to be reminded not to wear white shirts when I go out for dinner, the sequel

Cursed idols are always ancient. You never see a cursed idol from like 2015. We need to restart cursed idol production for the benefit of future generations

oh noooo my nemesis is wearing those smart glasses where he can literally see into my soul jokes on him i don’t have a soul im a vampire boo hold on that’s a ghost i mean bwah haha no wait that’s a villain maybe grrrr nope lion what about ah-OOH-ga ugh no that’s a cartoon character how about

Young pope Leo, undated but he appears to be in his teens or early 20’s

young pope leo looks like a ska scene regular who goes by Upbeat but no one knows his real name

No-one’s called Sigmund anymore.

Did you know that therapy takes more than one appointment? Just found out and i am LIVID

Tom Cruise movies are so unrealistic. You never see him struggling to reach something on a high shelf.

Black and white still from the 1939 movie Fifth Avenue Girl of Ginger Rogers on a park bench with Walter Connelly sitting next to her saying “now we can have lots of fun insulting the rich”

used to be men knew how to talk to a lady

we obviously can't all wang chung simultaneously

Fishtopher, a classic brown tabby cat with green eyes, sitting in front of a window. The sun comes through sheer, textured curtains, illuminating half his face. Most of his body is blocked from view by a gray cat tree.

forget golden hour, its fishtopher hour

I love having ADHD because feeling ashamed is my comfort zone

I sometimes post about my turtles or cats, but I also have hundreds of wriggling earthworms and they need more love too

Heck yeah, Coach

I am looking for a serious relationship. Servere. Sober. Austere. Preferably with a man in mourning.

I base bronzed my foreskin for a soft sculpted look, please respond

A photo of two large doodle dogs, one is white and the other is a curly brown . They are mid-wrestle during play and there both showing a lot of teeth. The white one advances toward the brown one as the brown one rears up to attack.

God gives his scariest faces to His most gentle of angels

Maybe it’s annoying hearing about everyone’s smoking habits but at least nobody you know is wearing a Charlie Chaplin mustache today.

Counting out twenty one almonds like a Babylonian tax collector

We're not allowed to talk about Willy Wonka's later years when he fashioned a guillotine from butter brickle.

if anyone ever recognizes me from here in the outside world I will hand them a shiv carved from my femur and let them slit my throat

A 68 year old lady's mugshot. She explains she was arrested for trying to sneak drugs into Canada and still tries to sell her marry Kay makeup

If you see this, post something you saved bc you thought it was funny

nothing to make you value your life and feel fully alert like hydroplaning like 150 feet in a blind tidal wave from a truck on the highway

is it a coincidence that 4/20 lands during lesbian visibility week? yes but buy a lesbian some weed anyway

Remembering how a fresh pack of smokes smelled, sitting on a porch with a decent beer on a spring evening, discussing philosophy 7 drinks in, and how the world still felt full of untapped potential at 4am on May 10, 2006

I heard a trucker talking to a dj on the radio. He said truckers everywhere are bummed no one does the "honk your horn" arm gesture anymore. I'm going to start doing it again rn

I think it’s rude that whenever the Predator shows up and super kills a hundred people using space weapons someone always has to be the guy to call him an ugly motherfucker because there’s plenty to criticize without getting into that

I don’t care how healthy they are, Barbara, I cannot risk putting my hand in my purse and pulling out a handful of rotten banana again

Still from the first Lord of the Rings movie showing Saruman speaking to Gandalf with text that reads "Your love of the halfling's leaf has clearly slowed your mind."

fuck you man

Your honor, I'd like to use the "I know you are but what am I" defense

Went to Buffalo and was disappointed to discover all the gals in town were human