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Cast Away
Inside Man
National Treasure
Ex Machina
Mission Impossible: Fallout
Almost Famous
jokes on you i love to eat shit and die
You always see a hockey coach writing in his notebook after his team gives up a goal. I would just be writing "fuck" over and over.
One of the ways that children become the most important thing in your life is by breaking anything else you previously considered important.
My motto has always been: DAVE FYMBO CAN'T BE BOUGHT. Though for the right price, I'm willing to change it.
My best magic trick is a annual tradition, beloved by kids and adults alike. I can make whole pecan pies DISAPPEAR!
Remember: It's not Thanksgiving until you hate your body and your body hates you.
Speed 2: Cruise Control
Creative Director here, better late than never.
Every bite of a Sonic burger feels like I'm having a heart attack. #sponsored #TacoBell
Finding 400 ham and cheese Hot Pockets in every city.
To be fair she does look like a chicken.
From a fellow 11.22 birthday, please add me to the next collection. thx
I imagine a lot of bigots are disappointed when they turn on The Amazing Race.
[Oregon Trail 1852]
Doctor: Any final words?
Man dying of dysentery: I just hope that this gruesome experience isn’t made into a game for children to play.
I‘ve lost 8 pounds in two weeks on the Fresca diet. I call it the Fresca diet because it involves me eating whole pecan pies for dinner.
Sobering stat from NFL Baby: torn ACLs among 6 to 12-month-olds are up 41%.
The funniest thing Jay Leno has ever done is fall down a 60-foot hill trying to cut across from a Hampton Inn to Dino's Sports Lounge in Greensburg, PA.
All that fuss about turning 40, and then boom, problem solved, I'm no longer 40
I made a starter pack of Funny People to follow go.bsky.app/CkcdPpN
In the middle of a 48-hour juice cleanse. Except instead of juice, it's ribs.