Why in the morning before work no matter how often I switch lanes on I-5 OR choose to stay in the same one, the one that I’m in is always going to be the slowest, is this some sort of fucked up optical illusion, cosmic mirth, what the fcuk I feel like sisyphus get me out of this limbo
Stud Demi Lovato pleass give me a kis,s
Deck the halls with bowels of holly 💕
Baseball audience shots are crazy bc why am I watching a grown man in near tears with an upside down shoe on his head
another one:
Kid 1: *falls and hits his groin*
Kid 2: hahaha!!! You’re in searing pain!
Also overheard from an older sibling to a younger sibling: the biggest number is not a million. The biggest number, is no number. Numbers never stop! … idiot.
Overheard at the park from a kid who fell off the swing but didn’t get hurt: my guardian angel is built different!
I love that they make parking enforcement drive around in those funny little cars. It’s like the dunce cap of law enforcement
Walking through the supplement aisle at Costco and picking one of everything. I will be the person ever
Tired of people assuming that just because I disappeared in a puff of smoke this implies something nefarious. Maybe that's just how I normally disappear
His mirth sickens me
Make your Venmo transactions public I like to look
Romanticizing my life by poetically observing that the right sleeve cuff of all my long sleeves have coffee stains on them <3
One time I was really struggling in calculus so I smoked some weed and the secrets to the polar curve derivative revealed themselves
Men*
Boys have headlamps
Being gang stalked by city crows this morning for eating a salad
Staring wistfully out the window and imagining myself as a bird fluttering from yard to yard pecking bugs out of planter boxes
This one took a little longer than a weekend @gluttonousfool.bsky.social
Just saw someone post an ube latte and call it purple matcha 😔 internetification of Vietnamese coffee shops is here!
Does shrek follow the hero’s journey
Happy wife happy life
Control group wife no statistically significant effect on life observed
www.cbc.ca/amp/1.7486317
digestible read on how trump is steering us away from democracy and how his recent actions - suppression of free speech, attempts to sidestep court orders - reflect that.
🤠
Actual transcript of me finding this listing on marketplace: “haha that looks like some sort of baby catapu- no fucking way”
shut up about your material circumstances already, these graphs prove we let you eat cake
Hey guys meta announced a new policy where they send a killer to get you so be sure to go to settings>my account > killer> disable killer to turn that off
Nothing more satisfying than beating every single yellow light on Mercer when driving through downtown
“Donut wearing top hat is go” you can’t tell me the people writing these ads aren’t just using random word generators 🙃
Yuko and I are at the pub for lunch.
1 fav = 1 chip for Yuko
1 rt = 1 sip of beer for Yuko