call your friends cute! call them hot! say i love you! fuck me dude ive spent twenty two years thinking i had to be polite about my friends when you should frankly be a little in love with everyone youre close with. they matter to you. let them know it
im gonna be a little old trans lady one day and im gonna hold my little old trans lady wifes hand and im gonna give her a little kiss on the cheek and we're gonna be like 80 and we're still going to be alive and we're going to be happy
still kinda crazy to me that 'candy store being judgemental of my social life' was a tangible problem impacting my finances two years ago
Giving the mice a break today. They’re sitting on the couch eating popcorn watching TV while I skitter in the walls
restaurants are a scam. most restaurants secretly have a kitchen in the back that you’re not allowed to see where they prepare all the food
by my parents: as a kid, only once that i can remember but probably plenty more that i cant remember (only spankings). as a teenager, not at all
omg is this saoirse dream??? i just saw them here 2 days ago it was a great fucking concert
the rain gave me a 2 for 1, my clothes got washed at the laundromat then also walking home :))
id love to punch the genius who was like "hey, i know what we can feed to poor people instead of cheese....plastic!"
my birthday is officially for sale or trade! if anyone would like to take being born dec 26 off of my hands i will go dirt cheap
some lesbians ARE women
life :
*making mistakes while fucked up*: sorry, i was on drugs
*not performing fast enough at work*: sorry, i wasn't on drugs
maybe everyone has "i said it 5 mins ago, you just didnt respond!" as a secret catchphrase theyre all in on but me. or maybe i have auditory processing disorder
Airheadbnb (airhead beard n boobies)
*collapsing dramatically onto the medicine shelf at the phramacy* nothing else will do it doctor *wheeze* - i need - - cuddles....
what's my favourite part of being LGBTQ? women! - & this also happens to be my favourite part of being polyamorous! and of being alive
if i say 🥺pwetty pwease wif a cherry on top🥺, can i have the job? 🥺🥺🥺
things my ex's cat has done that i wouldn't have believed before meeting the guy:
- typed out "M,EW,,," on a keyboard
- kneaded actual bread dough
- fell and smashed open a tv just from being too sundrunk
- clicked on "Booty Heroes" hentai content
I may be a freaky little amalgam of interests and traits but that's just because I relish the diversity of life
*holding up credit card* this baby can fit sooo much debt on it
hey look its my customersona! alice
maybe the real weed was the friends we made along the way
this one also could (📸 by @senselessfool.bsky.social !)
a photo of u that could be an album cover (photo by @somereyes.social.audiovalentine.com.ap.brid.gy !)
i don't care if your room is messy! you've seen my life
still one of the weirdest moments of my life was when i went to the audiologist and a doctor told me i was supposed to be left handed, that my brain still is
i couldnt work at a coffee shop, cause i wouldnt be able to perfect her Low Foam No Whip Mocha Latte With Four Pumps Of Maple Pecan And Two Pumps Of Ginger Made With Stevia Instead Of Sugar what with my auditory processing disorder and all, and she'd castrate me from her minivan